The Last Black Unicorn(20)

I jumped out the bed, and I started to dance. I started full-on dancing.

Nurse: “Ms. Haddish, you can’t dance. Ms. Haddish, you are scaring people!”

Tiffany: “I’m free!! I’m free!! Thank God almighty, I am free!!”

I started doing the Running Man, and then I ran my ass right into the ground. Those drugs they give you are strong.

They made me sit down and act calm. I looked over and there was a Mexican lady, she was awake and looking at me like I fucking lost my mind. Then there was another girl in the room, and she was just full-on crying. Here I am just as happy and joyous as can be. I kinda felt bad about my dancing, and I was chill after that. Not everyone was happy about being there.

When I walked out, I was just smiling. I’m like a little doped up and kind of woozy or whatever, but I’m really happy. I’m like genuinely happy. Titus was so mad that I was so happy.

Titus: “So you just joyous, huh? You just joyous?”

Tiffany: “Yeah, we don’t have no stress no more. There’s no stress. We got a second chance.”

Titus: “That’s all right. I’m going to just get you pregnant again in two months. You’re just going to be pregnant again.”

Little did he know, I had gotten a Depo shot when I was in there. I didn’t even tell him. This man was not trapping me again.

Things actually got cool again for a few weeks. It seemed to be getting better. He’s not disappearing. Then my birthday came up, and he said he needed my car, because he was going to an interview.

Tiffany: “Okay. But it’s my birthday.”

Titus: “Yeah, I’m going to take you over to my grandma’s house, use your car, go to my interview. I’m going to come back, and we’re going to go out.”

He didn’t come back until the next day.

Tiffany: “Yo, what happened? No call, no nothing? Where were you?”

Titus: “I had got caught up in some stuff, but it’s all good. I’m going to take you out today.”

Tiffany: “I got to go to work. This is so stupid. I don’t get it. Why would you even do that? You just ruined my birthday. You ruined my birthday.”

Titus: “Stop tripping. You’re tripping. Just relax. I’m going to make it up to you.”

Three days go by. I go over to his house—which is his mom’s house, ’cause he don’t have his own place. I was ready to forgive him. I don’t know why I was, but I was. And most importantly, I was now healed up from my abortion, and we can have sex again, for the first time since I was dancing for joy.

I went in his room, and I saw he had a video camera on his TV. I don’t know why, but I had this weird feeling come over me.

Tiffany: “Let’s do something freaky. Let’s make a movie.”

I grabbed the video camera, and I started recording. He immediately got all mad, snatched the camera from me, scratching my face in the process.

Titus: “You need to mind your motherfucking business!”

Tiffany: “What is wrong with you? What’s on that tape where you got to be acting like that?”

Titus: “Ain’t nothing on this motherfuckin’ tape. You just need to mind your motherfuckin’ business and stay out my shit!”

I tried to reach for the camera, and he snatched it away. He took the tape out the camera, went out the house, and threw it in the dumpster.

I knew. All of it dawned on me, right then in that moment. Not like, consciously, but I knew. I felt it in my body.

Was I smart enough to admit that shit to myself in the moment? Hell no! I just said to myself, You need to just chill. You love this dude. You need to chill. I still didn’t know that I should listen to my gut and my feelings and my body.

When he came back in the house, I decided to change up. I just started being real sweet and nice, and we started kissing and stuff.

Tiffany: “I just want you to hook me up. I want to get me some head.”

So he went down on me and gave me some head. Once he was done, he was all hard and ready to penetrate me. He was literally right about to put it in, and I mean like, an inch before his penis touched me, I pulled away. My body was screaming at me, and not in a good way.

Tiffany: “Ooh, wait. No. I got to go to the bathroom. I got to boo-boo.”

I sat in the bathroom for like thirty minutes. I was crying, because it all hit me at once.

I knew everything was true. His sister was right. I could just feel it in my bones. I was talking to myself, Oh God, everything she said is true. I’m so stupid.

This man was betraying me so much right now. A feeling of disgust for him came over me. I was disgusted by him, and I felt disgusted for myself for being so blind. You know?

I was crying so much. You know how you do that quiet crying, like the tears are coming out and you’re breathing hard, but you don’t want nobody to hear you crying? I remember I was just covering my face, just trying to hold it together, tears running through my hands.

And quite frankly, the head was not good. It wasn’t. It was, like, the worst.

Eventually, he came banging on the door.

Titus: “You all right in there? What the hell?”

So I started making throw-up noises, acting like I was puking. I was just so disgusted with him, I needed to find a way out.

Tiffany: “Man, I’m sick. I’m not well. I need to go home. I’m going to go home, all right? I’m so sick. I cannot function right now.”