The Grace Year by Kim Liggett
For the daughters of the world,
and those who revere them
A rat in a maze is free to go anywhere,
as long as it stays inside the maze.
—MARGARET ATWOOD,
THE HANDMAID’S TALE
Maybe there is a beast … maybe
it’s only us.
—WILLIAM GOLDING,
LORD OF THE FLIES
No one speaks of the grace year.
It’s forbidden.
We’re told we have the power to lure grown men from their beds, make boys lose their minds, and drive the wives mad with jealousy. They believe our very skin emits a powerful aphrodisiac, the potent essence of youth, of a girl on the edge of womanhood. That’s why we’re banished for our sixteenth year, to release our magic into the wild before we’re allowed to return to civilization.
But I don’t feel powerful.
I don’t feel magical.
Speaking of the grace year is forbidden, but it hasn’t stopped me from searching for clues.
A slip of the tongue between lovers in the meadow, a frightening bedtime story that doesn’t feel like a story at all, knowing glances nestled in the frosty hollows between pleasantries of the women at the market. But they give away nothing.
The truth about the grace year, what happens during that shadow year, is hidden away in the tiny slivers of filament hovering around them when they think no one’s watching. But I’m always watching.
The slip of a shawl, scarred shoulders bared under a harvest moon.
Haunted fingertips skimming the pond, watching the ripples fade to black.
Their eyes a million miles away. In wonderment. In horror.
I used to think that was my magic—having the power to see things others couldn’t—things they didn’t even want to admit to themselves. But all you have to do is open your eyes.
My eyes are wide open.
AUTUMN
I follow her through the woods, a well-worn path I’ve seen a thousand times. Ferns, lady-slipper, and thistle, the mysterious red flowers dotting the path. Five petals, perfectly formed, like they were made just for us. One petal for the grace year girls, one petal for the wives, one for the laborers, one for the women of the outskirts, and one for her.
The girl looks back at me over her shoulder, giving me that confident grin. She reminds me of someone, but I can’t place the name or the face. Maybe something from a long-forgotten memory, a past life, perhaps a younger sister I never knew. Heart-shaped face, a small red strawberry mark under her right eye. Delicate features, like mine, but there’s nothing delicate about this girl. There’s a fierceness in her steel-gray eyes. Her dark hair is shorn close to her scalp. A punishment or a rebellion, I cannot say. I don’t know her, but strangely enough, I know that I love her. It’s not a love like my father has for my mother, it’s protective and pure, the same way I felt about those robins I cared for last winter.
We reach the clearing, where women from all walks of life have gathered—the tiny red flower pinned above their hearts. There’s no bickering or murderous glares; everyone has come together in peace. In unity. We are sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers, standing together for a common need, greater than ourselves.
“We are the weaker sex, weaker no more,” the girl says.
The women answer with a primal roar.
But I’m not afraid. I only feel a sense of pride. The girl is the one. She’s the one who will change everything, and somehow, I’m a part of all this.
“This path has been paved with blood, the blood of our own, but it was not in vain. Tonight, the grace year comes to an end.”
As I expel the air from my lungs, I find myself not in the woods, not with the girl, but here, in this stifling room, in my bed, my sisters glaring down at me.
“What did she say?” my older sister Ivy asks, her cheeks ablaze.
“Nothing,” June replies, squeezing Ivy’s wrist. “We heard nothing.”
As my mother enters the room, my little sisters, Clara and Penny, poke me out of bed. I look to June to thank her for quelling the situation, but she won’t meet my gaze. She won’t or she can’t. I’m not sure what’s worse.
We’re not allowed to dream. The men believe it’s a way we can hide our magic. Having the dreams would be enough to get me punished, but if anyone ever found out what the dreams were about, it would mean the gallows.
My sisters lead me to the sewing room, fluttering around me like a knot of bickering sparrows. Pushing. Pulling.
“Ease up,” I gasp as Clara and Penny yank on the corset strings with a little too much glee. They think this is all fun and games. They don’t realize that in a few short years, it will be their turn. I swat at them. “Don’t you have anyone else to torture?”
“Stop your fussing,” my mother says, taking out her frustration on my scalp as she finishes my braid. “Your father has let you get away with murder all these years, with your mud-stained frocks, dirt under your nails. For once, you’re going to know what it feels like to be a lady.”
“Why bother?” Ivy flaunts her growing belly in the looking glass for all of us to see. “No one in their right mind would give a veil to Tierney.”