Keep Quiet(5)

Jake kept pumping on the woman’s chest. His efforts became futile, grotesque. He was abusing her body. She had become a corpse. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t understand. It was inconceivable. She had been alive a minute ago, running around the curve. Now she was dead. They had killed her.

God, no.

Jake stopped pumping and leaned back on his haunches. Tears came to his eyes. His hand went to his mouth, reflexively stifling himself. He looked down at the woman in the dim light. The sight broke his heart, and he knew it would be seared into his brain for the rest of his life. He bent his head and sent up a silent prayer on her behalf.

“No, no! Where’s my … phone?” Ryan sobbed, scrambling for his phone on all fours. “I killed … a lady, I killed … a lady, I wasn’t looking … it’s all my fault!”

“Ryan, she’s gone,” Jake whispered, his throat thick with emotion.

“No, no, no, no, she’s not gone … she’s not gone … what did I do?” Ryan fell over, collapsing into tears, his forehead on the asphalt. “Dad, I killed her … no, no, no!”

Jake rubbed his eyes, dragged himself to his feet, and half-walked and half-stumbled to Ryan.

“No, no, no!” Ryan cried, his big body folded onto itself, racked with sobs. “I can’t … believe this. I … killed someone, I killed that … lady!”

“We’ll get through this, Ryan.” Jake gathered him up and hugged him tight, and they clung to each other in a devastated embrace.

“I killed … that lady … I killed … that lady! I wasn’t … looking!”

“I didn’t see her either. I’m at fault too, we both are.” Jake held him close, then spotted Ryan’s phone glinting in the light, by the side of the road.

“I killed her! Oh no oh no … what did I do?” Ryan wept and permitted himself to be held, and Jake’s thoughts raced ahead. He’d call 911, but if he told the police that Ryan had been at the wheel, Ryan could get a criminal record, since he’d been driving after hours on a learner’s permit. It would jeopardize his college admissions, basketball scholarships, everything. And Pam would never forgive him for letting Ryan drive or letting this happen. The open secret of their marriage was that his wife loved their son more than she loved him. Jake reached a decision.

“Ryan, listen to me. We need to call the police, but we can’t tell them the truth. We’re going to tell them that I was driving, not you. Got it? We’ll say I was the driver, and you were the passenger.”

“No, no … I did it … I killed that lady … she’s dead!” Ryan sobbed harder, his broad chest heaving. Tears poured down his cheeks. His nose ran freely, his mucus streaming.

“Ryan, look at me. Look at me.” Jake put his hands on his son’s tearstained face. They had to get the story straight before they called the police. They had no time to lose. A car could come along any minute. “I need you to listen to me.”

“I killed her!” Ryan kept shaking his head, hiccuping with sobs. “Dad—”

“Ryan, listen, try to calm down—”

“I can’t, I can’t!” Ryan shook his head back and forth, almost manically, out of control. “I killed her, I killed her!”

“Ryan, listen!” Jake shouted, only because Ryan was becoming hysterical. “We’re going to tell the police I was driving the car, do you understand? I was driving the car and you were the passenger. Got it? I’ll do all the talking, you keep quiet. You can do that, can’t you?”

“No, no, no, I … killed her!” Ryan shouted back, his words indistinct, his tears and mucus flowing.

“Ryan, stop. We’re going to tell the cops I killed her. Do you hear me? You cannot contradict me, no matter what they ask you. I’ll do the talking, you keep your mouth shut.”

“Dad … no!” Ryan lurched out of his arms, scrambled backwards, and staggered to his feet, shaking his head. “No, no, Dad. No!”

“Yes, do what I say, it’s the only way.” Jake got to his feet, hustled to the phone, and picked it up to call 911.

“No, no, wait … look. Wait.” Ryan plunged his hand into his pocket, pulled out a plastic Ziploc bag, and showed it to Jake, sobbing. “Dad … I … bought this … today. What do I do with it … when the cops come?”

“What is it?”

“I’m sorry … it’s weed … I’m sorry—”

“What?” Jake asked, aghast.

“I smoked up … with Caleb … after practice.” Ryan wept, his hand flying to his hair, rubbing it back and forth. “But I’m not … high now, I swear it … I’m not, I’m not.”

“You smoke dope? Since when?”

“I don’t do a lot … I swear. I did it today … but I’m fine now … that’s not why I hit the lady—”

“Give me that!” Jake grabbed the bag from Ryan’s hand. It was a quarter full of marijuana.

“I killed that lady … she’s dead!” Ryan dissolved into tears, holding his head, falling to his knees. He rocked on his haunches, back and forth, becoming hysterical. “She’s dead … because of me … Dad, what do we do? I killed her … I killed her … I killed her!”