Gaining Miles (Miles Family #5)(7)

This one had a well-worn cover and dog-eared pages. I picked it up and traced my fingertip across the cover. Benjamin. I wondered what he was doing tonight. Was he sitting in his cabin up on the slope of the mountain, reading another book he’d bring me in a few days? Sipping a beer or a glass of whiskey? Or maybe a glass of wine—wine that I’d made?

Maybe I should call him. He lived alone, too. Was he lonely tonight?

Ben had been here at Salishan for over twenty-five years. I didn’t know why he’d come, or much about where he’d been before. That wasn’t something he’d ever shared with me. But I remembered the first time I’d met him, clear as day. I’d lost Cooper—not for the first time, or the last. Ben had found him in the vineyard and brought him to me.

I hadn’t known that day that Benjamin Gaines would one day be my oldest friend. Then, he’d just been a vineyard worker. One of many. But over the years, his role here had changed. He’d become the head groundskeeper and handyman. He built things, fixed things, planted gardens.

And now?

I sighed, thumbing through the pages. Now, he was a quiet presence in my life. The friend I knew I could always rely on. A man who cared deeply for my children. Who loved this land as much as I did.

But also a man who’d seen the worst moments of my life. Who knew the details of my past—the choices I’d made. He’d watched me stay married to Lawrence. Watched me try to hold my marriage together long after I should have let go. He’d been here through it all. The affairs. The ugly divorce.

I put the book down and picked up my wine. Took a sip. No, I wasn’t going to call Ben. Not when I was feeling like this—so wanting and lonely. He was a good friend, and I was grateful to have him in my life. But the temptation of his rugged masculinity—his strength and steady presence—was too much of a risk. I couldn’t imagine him seeing me as anything other than a longtime friend, and I wasn’t going to allow myself to jeopardize that relationship.

I’d believed in love, once. In marriage vows and bonds that were meant to be forever. I wasn’t sure what I believed, now. I believed in the love each of my children had found. Had faith they’d all chosen partners who would love and support them always.

But me? My time had come and gone. I’d lived a life with the wrong man. And I had other things now to make me happy. Salishan was thriving. My children were happy. I had a beautiful grandson, another grandchild on the way, and certainly more to come.

I needed to learn to be content with that, no matter what my heart whispered about wanting more.





Four





Ben





I wasn’t about to admit it to anyone—especially Cooper and Chase—but I was nervous. Last night, sitting out in the dark watching my mattress burn, it had seemed so simple. Find Shannon—preferably alone—and ask her to dinner. I’d asked women on dates before, plenty of times. I may have had feelings for Shannon for a long time, but for most of those years, she’d been very unavailable. I’d pushed my feelings down—deep, deep down—and lived my life. That had included dating. I’d had relationships with several women over the years.

Of course, none of them had ever lasted, and I knew precisely why. None of them had been Shannon.

Still, I was no stranger to asking a woman out. In fact, I’d always considered myself rather good at it. But now that I was faced with asking Shannon Miles for a date, I found myself surprisingly anxious.

And busy. Cooper needed a hand out in the east vineyard, which took up most of the morning. Then Brynn called. One of the wine refrigerators in the Big House was making an odd noise. Turned out it was the compressor, but I was able to fix it. I went looking for Shannon after that, but she was busy in the lab. Spring was when she worked on her blends, mixing the grape varieties to produce different flavors. I didn’t want to interrupt.

But as the day wore on, that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach grew. Was Chase right? Had I been in the friend-zone for too long? Was I going to need to work harder to dig my way out?

Maybe I’d jumped the gun on burning that mattress.

Shannon and I were good friends. But I saw that as a positive—the basis for a strong relationship. I just needed the chance to show her that we could be so much more.

I had more work to do in one of the back gardens, so I spent the rest of my day out there. The air was fresh, the chill of winter finally receding. Made for a good day to be outside.

By the time my workday was over, I was dirty. And sweaty. I caught a glimpse of Shannon going into the Big House, but one look at my dirt-covered clothes and filthy hands, and I decided not to follow. I wasn’t going to have the moment I asked her on our first date be marred by anything—particularly how I smelled.

Perhaps tomorrow.





The next day, I went down to Salishan full of resolve. Today was going to be the day I finally asked Shannon Miles on a date.

Before anyone could grab me to help with something, I went looking for her. She wasn’t in her lab or the main cellar. I checked the bottling area, but she wasn’t there, either.

The Big House was quiet—just a couple of employees in the kitchen prepping for the day. I went upstairs to check her office. She’d moved hers over from the old winery building some time ago. It was at the end of the hallway, next to a small conference room where Zoe often had consultations with clients.