The Mech Who Loved Me (London Steampunk: The Blue Blood Conspiracy #2)(2)

"I was still holding the carriage to Calais out front," he jested.

Or at least, she hoped it was a jest. "Too late now. They're married and about to start the rest of their lives together."

"It's never too late."

"Why are you so cynical?" she demanded in a hoarse whisper, still trying to keep her voice low enough so none of the others would hear.

"Why are you such a dreamer?"

Touché. Ava glanced back at the bride and groom as guests greeted them. Ingrid glowed with happiness. "Because this world can be a horrible place," she said softly, "and it's moments like this that remind me there can be joy and happiness sometimes too. This moment is a lovely one, and I shall cherish it for as long as I live. My friends are happy. They're married. They're about to step into a long, blessed future. It's perfect."

She felt that knowledge fill her from within, softening all the lonely little hollows that lay tucked in her heart. On the darkest night, in the worst moments of her nightmares, she could look back on this moment now and it would fill her with hope.  "It's a fairy tale," Kincaid murmured, and he too was watching the bride and groom, almost as if he saw something she didn't. "And how long does the fairy tale last? Nobody ever thinks about what happens to Cinderella after she marries the prince. Maybe her life is not all hope and dreams, as she spends the rest of her days with a man who couldn't even recognize her. I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist."

Ava punched him lightly in the arm.

He looked down in surprise.

"Stop ruining my moment. Take your scowling elsewhere. Cinderella lives happily ever after and I will not accept a different conclusion."

"You like weddings," he accused, his dark brows drawing together as if he'd only just realized this fact.

It wasn't as though she was ever going to have one herself, so she might as well enjoy others. "Yes, I like weddings."

"You want to be married," he said, and Ava's insides went cold.

"Blood and steel," she hissed. "Who doesn't? Surely everyone dreams of a loving lifetime with—"

"Marriage doesn't mean one enjoys a happy life. I've known plenty of unhappy marriages."

"You're impossible."

"At least I tell the bloody truth," he snapped back at her.

Ingrid gave the crowd her back, and moved her arm. Ava shot Kincaid a fierce glower. "Well, you're the only man who thinks—"

Something came at her. Fast.

Ava threw up her hands, catching whatever it was, and found herself in possession of a bunch of flowers.

The room stopped dead. Heads turned, people moved, and suddenly Ava found herself the center of attention.

She and Kincaid.

Who finally jerked his hand off her back, the wretch.

"Best of luck, Ava," Ingrid called, blowing her a kiss.

The room erupted. Clapping echoed and Ava froze. Then the rest of the guests were moving on to the wedding toast, finally letting her fade back into obscurity.

She could almost feel his eyes on her.

"Do. Not. Say a word," she ground out through gritted teeth.

"I—"

"I mean it." Slapping the bouquet against his chest, she pushed away from him. "The flowers are all yours."

Then she left Kincaid with Ingrid's bouquet, gathered her skirts, and slipped from the room.



*

"They're about to serve the wedding breakfast," said a low feminine voice behind her. "Are you coming in?"

Perry. She was one of Ava's best friends. They'd worked together for years at the Nighthawks—a guild of thief catchers and hunters—and shared a common history. Perry was also the only person who might see straight through her.

Ava took a deep breath, putting another smile in place as she turned away from the gardens. "Oh, are they? I just wanted some fresh air and it's been so long since we had a sunny day like this." Being alone also made her feel like she didn't have to keep the charade in place. It was oddly restful to let her smile fade.

Perry shot her an odd look, but leaned on the balustrade beside her as they looked out over the gardens. "You're upset."

Damn it. Ava's shoulders slumped. "No. I'm happy for them, truly I am."

"You cared for Byrnes."

"I also care for Ingrid. She suits him. And... I guess seeing them together makes me realize what Byrnes and I never had."

Perry's mouth pursed thoughtfully, but she didn't prod. It was one of the reasons Ava liked her so much.

"I had this idea of how my life was going to work out," Ava continued. "After Doctor Hague kidnapped me and destroyed my life, it took me such a long time to find my place at the Nighthawks. The work in the laboratories fascinates me and I'm perfectly suited for it, but... I wanted more. I keep trying to find my footing, to find a place where I belong, and I thought Byrnes was it. I like him. He makes me feel safe and normal, and he never looks at me as though he can't wait to escape me when I prattle on about odd things like autopsies, or a new species of orchid, or... all of the things ladies shouldn't speak of in polite circumstances. He was a friend when I needed one very, very much, and I kept thinking he would probably be the only man who might marry me." She looked down at her clasped hands. That dream was well and truly dashed, but she couldn't find it in herself to begrudge Ingrid her happiness. When Ingrid walked into Byrnes's life, all she'd ever done was open Ava's eyes to the truth: Byrnes was one of her dearest friends.