VICTORIOUS (A Quantum Novel)(6)

“I’ll talk to you soon. Love you, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. That’s what I call Natalie. “Love you, too, Mom.”

For a long time after we end the call, I stare at the pool in the backyard, trying to imagine life without Natalie. There is no life without her. And I’ve spent enough time dicking around today feeling sorry for myself. It’s time to f*cking fix this.





My sister and I pick up right where we left off, and by the end of our afternoon together, it’s like no time has passed since we last saw each other. We talk about everything and everyone we ever knew back home in Nebraska. She catches me up on all the gossip from Lincoln and what has become of the girls I was friends with before my life imploded.

“They asked about you for years,” Candace says. “We never knew what to tell them. Dad warned us not to talk about you to anyone. It was so bizarre. It was like you were dead, only we knew you weren’t. Dad was like a madman. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe one of his kids did this, like you were the one to blame rather than Oren. He got rid of the Wi-Fi at home and tried to make it so we wouldn’t see the trial coverage, but we read the papers in the library at school so we’d know what was going on. And then, when Oren was convicted… Dad was worse than ever.”

“I’ll never understand how a parent picks a lifelong friend over his own child in a situation like this.”

“You wanna know our theory? Mine and Livvy’s?”

“Um, yeah?”

She laughs at my blatant curiosity. “We think they were in love with each other and pretending to live a hetero life because back then, Oren never would’ve had a chance in politics if he was living as a gay man.”

I’m stunned speechless. “That sure would explain a lot.”

“Think about it—did you ever once see Dad act affectionately toward Mom? Did you ever see them hug or kiss or hold hands or anything?”

“No. Never. I just figured they kept that stuff private. This is such a bombshell, but suddenly it all makes sense.”

“No, it doesn’t make sense, because he still should’ve protected you. No matter what he felt for Oren, you are his daughter. You deserved so much better than what you got from them.” She glances at me, seeming hesitant. “After they saw you at the hospital, they had the biggest fight ever. Mom was crazy over him forcing her to leave you there alone after Oren raped you.”

“If you really think Oren and Dad were gay and in love, how could Oren rape me the way he did?”

“Livvy and I think Dad was resisting him on something, and attacking you was Oren’s way of making a statement. We also think he was a freaking pervert.”

“But, you know, they both had kids and how could he like… have assaulted me that way… if he wasn’t into women?”

“Pills,” she says bluntly. “We think they both were bisexual, but they would’ve chosen each other over their wives in a second if they’d had that option. But they didn’t back then, not if Oren wanted the career in politics his family had always groomed him for. I’d actually think it was kind of sad, except for the fact that they were a couple of lawless monsters who hurt so many people. When Oren died in jail? Dad was inconsolable for weeks. He was never the same after that.”

“God…”

“Of course, all of this is speculation on our part.”

“No, it makes all kinds of sense. The pills would also explain how he was able to be so… relentless… during the assault.” I look up to see Candace blinking rapidly.

“That’s the one thing we were never able to bring ourselves to read about. We couldn’t bear it.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. It’s bad enough those images are in my mind. You don’t need them in yours, too.”

“I wondered… If you were able, with Flynn…”

“Yes, and it was amazing. At least for me.” The question is a reminder of why I left him, and the pain sears through me, hot and sharp.

“You don’t think it was for him, too?”

I get up from the bed where we’ve been relaxing to walk over to the window. “He said it was.” But how am I to know if he was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear or if he was telling the truth? Everything is in question now.

“You don’t believe him?”

As much as I want to share the details of what happened between Flynn and me with my sister, I can’t. I have to protect his privacy—and mine. I trust my sister, but I also have to acknowledge I don’t know her very well anymore. I hope that will change, in time, but if she told even one person about Flynn’s sexual preferences… No, I can’t tell her or anyone, as much as I’d love Candace’s take on the situation. I realize she’s waiting for me to reply. “It’s kind of complicated.”