The Fire Between High & Lo (Elements #2)(4)

I could’ve told her how her blue eyes always smiled, even when she frowned, and that I loved how she chewed on the collar of all of her T-shirts when she was bored, or anxious.

I could’ve been someone worthy of loving, and she would’ve allowed me to love her, too.

In a different world, maybe. But I only had the here and now, where Alyssa was my best friend.

I was lucky enough to have her in that form.

“You said you loved me!” Shay wept, allowing the tears to fall down her cheeks.

How long had she been crying? She was a professional crier, that one.

I studied her face as I slid my hands into my jean pockets. Goddamn. She looked a mess. She was still high from earlier, and her makeup was smeared all over her face.

“I didn’t say that, Shay.”

“Yes, you did! You said it more than once!” She swore.

“You’re making shit up.” I would’ve traced my memory to see if those three words slipped out of my mouth at some point, but I knew they didn’t. I didn’t love. I barely liked. My fingers brushed against my temple. Shay really needed to get in her car and drive far, far away.

“I’m not stupid, Logan! I know what you said!” Her words were confident in the belief that I loved her. Which, as a whole, was pretty sad. “You said it earlier tonight! Remember? You said you f*cking loved me?”

Earlier tonight?

Oh, crap.

“Shay, I said I love f*cking you. Not that I f*cking love you.”

“Same thing.”

“Trust me, it’s not.”

She swung her purse in my direction and I allowed it to hit me. Truth was, I deserved it. She swung again, and I allowed it once more. She swung a third time, and I grabbed the bag, yanked it—and her—toward me. My hand landed on her lower back, which she arched at my touch. I pressed her body close to mine. Her breaths were heavy and tears were still rolling down her cheeks. “Don’t cry,” I whispered, turning on my charm to try to get her to leave. “You’re too beautiful to cry.”

“You’re such an *, Logan.”

“Which is exactly why you shouldn’t be with me.”

“We’ve been broken up for three hours, and you became a completely different person.”

“That’s funny,” I muttered. “Because last I checked, it was you who became different, when you hooked up with Nick.”

“Oh, get over it. That was a mistake. We didn’t even have sex. You’re the only boy I’ve slept with in the past six months.”

“Uh, we’ve been dating for eight months.”

“What are you, a math guru? That doesn’t matter.”

Shay was my longest relationship in the past two years. Most of the time, it was a month tops, but with Shay we made it a total of eight months and two days. I didn’t know why exactly, other than her life was almost a carbon copy of mine. Her mom was far from stable, and her father was in prison. She didn’t have anyone to look up to, and her sister was kicked out of their house by their mom because she got knocked up by some jerk.

Maybe the darkness in me saw and honored the darkness in her for a little while. We made sense. But as time went by, I realized that it was because of the similarities that we truly didn’t belong together. We were both too messed up. Being with Shay was like looking at a mirror and seeing all of your scars staring back at you.

“Shay, let’s not do this. I’m tired.”

“Okay. I forgot. You are Mr. Perfect. People make bad calls in life,” Shay explained.

“You made out with my friend, Shay.”

“It’s just that: making out! And I only did it because you cheated on me.”

“I’m not even sure how to reply to that, seeing as how I never cheated on you.”

“Maybe not with sex, but emotionally, Logan. You were never fully there and committed. This is all Alyssa’s fault. She’s the reason you never really committed to me. She’s such a stupid bitc—”

I held my hand up to her mouth, halting her words. “Before you say what you’re about to say, don’t.” I lowered my hand, and she remained quiet. “I told you from day one who I was. It’s your own fault for thinking you could change me.”

“You’re never going to be happy with anyone, are you? Because you are so strung up on a girl that you’ll never have. You’re going to end up sad, alone, and bitter. Then you’ll figure out what you had when you were with me!”

“Can you just leave?” I sighed, brushing my hand against my face. I blamed Alyssa for this.

“Break up with her in person, Lo. That’s the only way a real man would do it. You can’t break up with someone over the phone.”

She had some awful ideas, sometimes.

Shay kept crying.

God, those tears.

I couldn’t handle the tears.

After a few snotty sniffles, she glanced to the ground before holding her head high, a spark of confidence finding her. “I think we should break up.”

I appeared shocked. “Break up?” We already did!

“I just feel like we’re two people going in two opposite directions.”

“Okay,” I said.

Her fingers flew over my lips and she shushed me, even though I wasn’t talking. “Don’t be so emotional about it. I’m so sorry, Logan. But it’s just not going to work out.”