The Feel Good Factor(5)
“Not cocky. Just ready.”
“Yeah, yeah, city boy. You think you’ve seen it all?”
I raise my chin. I know this drill. It’s all par for the course for new guys, and I get that I have to go through it. The key is to remain strong. “I did work in San Francisco for ten years. I’ve seen a ton of shit.”
“Like what?”
He really wants me to list the calls I went on? The things we saw in the Tenderloin section would make a monster-movie fan flinch. “Let’s see. There was the time we had to take in a homeless guy who hadn’t bathed in years and had duct-taped vegetables all over his body. Rotting vegetables. Then there was the time a woman drank too much Tide because she wanted to remove the demon baby from her belly. But she wasn’t pregnant.”
Yes, this is part of the initiation. Share the horror stories.
A new voice chimes in. “Demon baby. I’ve heard of those. Did it have hooves for feet and a forked tail?” It’s Shaw, one of the firemen. I met him at the gym a few days ago.
“It might have spoken in tongues, too, had it actually existed,” I say.
He shudders. “I don’t scare easily, but demon babies scare the fuck out of me.”
“Question,” Hunter chimes in, raising a hand as if he’s in school. “What happens when the fuck is scared out of you? Does that mean you can’t, I dunno, fuck anymore?”
Shaw pumps his hips. “I can always fuck.”
Are these guys for real? There’s a call to go on, and they’re trash-talking.
Granger knows it too, and with two fingers in his mouth, he issues a powerfully shrill whistle. “Children, shut the hell up. We have serious matters to tend to. Got a guy out on Vintage Oaks Road. Says he has a bug in his penis.”
I cringe but school my expression. It can’t be worse than the vegetable wearer or the Tide swallower. But God, I fucking hate dick calls. “We just need to take him to the ER, right?” I ask, nodding toward the ambulance so we can get the hell out of here.
Shaw shoots me an are you kidding look. “Dude, you’re a paramedic. Don’t you think you should try to fix the problem, stat?”
Yeah, I’m going to need to revise my stance on staying stoic. “That’s why doctors get the big bucks. To remove shit like that.”
Granger claps my shoulder. “You use the forceps to get it out.”
I die inside. This is the worst. Give me the unbathed masses needing transport, any day. “Okay,” I choke out.
He lifts his chin, studying me. “What? Is this hard for you, city boy?”
I swallow harshly, squaring my shoulders. “We’re on it.” With my gear in tow, I head to the passenger side of the ambulance, Hunter to the driver side.
“No sirens needed for this call,” Hunter says. “It’s only a mile away.”
Granger calls out as I get into the vehicle, “Don’t you guys want to know what kind of bug it is?”
Not really. “Sure.”
Granger and Shaw join us in the garage. The boss man’s face turns graver than I’ve ever seen him. Shaw looks at Granger, almost as if he’s saying take it away.
Granger clears his throat. “It’s a . . . cockroach.”
They both spill into laughter, doubled over, hands on their bellies, faces contorted. Hunter joins in too.
I couldn’t be happier to be the butt of a first-week prank. I get out of the van, laughing too. “You fuckers.”
Shaw points at me. “You passed, man. You passed the initiation.”
As I head home that night on my bike, I ride past the spot where Officer Sexy As Sin stopped me. I’ve ridden this road every damn day since I’ve been in town, actually, wishing for her siren.
But one of these days, I’m going to bump into her again, and I’m going to get her number and then some.
Because that insta-lust is strong, and I don’t think even a demon baby could scare it the fuck out of me.
4
Perri
“Let me get this straight—you’re saying for a full half hour they were just kissing?”
The question comes from Arden as we gather at the bowling alley on Friday evening. Vanessa’s joined us for a quick game while one of her employees mans the check-in.
I grab my neon-pink ball from the return. “Like they were in seventh grade, making out after sixth-period science class behind the shed on the dirt path behind the school.”
Vanessa raises one skeptical brow. “That’s very specific. Oh, wait. That’s where you kissed David Bruno for the first time.”
“How could you forget? She called us over to her house and made us listen to the story ten times,” Arden chimes in.
I bask in the memory of when I first experienced the glory of French kissing. David and I had been dating for two weeks, which translated into going to Starbucks after school for Frappuccinos. One fine Wednesday after a particularly yummy mocha, we stole behind the shed and he planted his lips on mine, and we didn’t stop for the longest time. “And it was the most epic first kiss ever.”
Vanessa sticks out her tongue. “Only you would have an epic first kiss. You do realize most first kisses suck?”
I wiggle my eyebrows. “I do, but mine didn’t. And I’ve been a devotee of epic first kisses ever since.”