Maybe Later(5)
Let me guess, you played lacrosse.
Amy
P. S. The glasses are in the breakroom.
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Reuben Sandwich
Tuesday, March 8th, 11:33 a.m.
I don’t understand what you sent me for lunch.
Rueben, I eat Ruebens for lunch.
Not a box filled with tempura, sushi, and noodles. What’s next, a salad? Attached is a picture of a Rueben sandwich along with a list of ingredients, to make sure that you order the right thing. I won’t stop repeating that word until I see one of those on my desk—with chips. Not edamame.
And no, I didn’t play lacrosse. We played football, basketball, and baseball depending on the season. Jiu Jitsu? Seriously? Who are you?
Of course I can get my own glass, but then what would I need you for?
J. Spearman
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Food
Tuesday, March 8th, 11:41 a.m.
I was hired to be your assistant, not your waitress. I’ve attached my job description, since it seems like you can’t grasp the duties of an assistant. Just for that, I’m pushing your Rueben order to April. Good luck lunching on one of those—unless you order it yourself.
Yes, that’s what I said. Jiu Jitsu. I’m a person who likes to try everything until she finds what she likes. You’re lucky I don’t only work for who I like, or you’d be fetching your own lunch.
Amy
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From: J. Spearman
To: E. Lancaster
Subject: Assistant
Tuesday, March 8th, 1:47 p.m.
I would like to exchange my current assistant, I don’t think we can keep her around until June 10th. Do you monitor her emails? She’s extremely unprofessional. I’m willing to pay extra if you remove me from her roster today.
Thank you,
J. Spearman CEO
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From: E. Lancaster
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Re: Assistant
Wednesday, March 9th, 7:00 a.m.
Dear Mr. Spearman,
We monitor emails, calls, and chat rooms for quality and training purposes. I appreciate you reaching out to me. We pride ourselves in servicing our customers with the best assistants. I’ve never had a complaint about any of them. Miss Walker is one of our best, as well as most experienced employees.
Attached is the contract your company signed with us. I want you to read through it, please. If you decide to discontinue our services, you’re still liable for the three months of service regardless—because of your case. I understand from your application that it’s difficult for you to trust other people, including your employees. (see attachment).
Miss Walker is trying to do her job as best as she can, but if you prefer to suspend her services, I’ll be happy to send you your final bill. We don’t have another assistant who can handle someone with your description. Again, see attached emails. Your company signed an agreement that excludes switching assistants, and for the service to be paid in full despite early termination of the contract.
Thank you for using our services,
E. Lancaster, CEO
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: Moving forward
Wednesday, March 9th, 7:49 a.m.
I am stuck with you. Please understand that I need you to be more professional.
Regards,
J. Spearman
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Professional
Wednesday, March 9th, 7:49 a.m.
I’m 100% professional, Mr. Spearman. You’re the tattle-tale who went and spoke to my boss. Next time you have a complaint, you should send me the draft so I can fix it. Because it’s clear that you can’t present a good case. You gave up too quickly.
Do you know what this means?
If we were keeping score, I’m winning 4 to nothing. But we’re not.
Amy
P. S. Today’s lunch is ramen soup. I’m attaching the picture and ingredients (so you know what I’m talking about)
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From: J. Spearman
To: A. Walker
Subject: VAES Contract
Wednesday, March 9th, 11:59 a.m.
Do you know why I don’t terminate the contract?
Because I want you to quit. It’s a challenge, let’s see who wins. Please, make sure you have enough copies of the attached document for my five o’clock meeting.
J. Spearman
P. S. I know what a ramen soup is!
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From: A. Walker
To: J. Spearman
Subject: Copies and my resignation.
Wednesday, March 9th, 4:39 p.m.
The copies are in the conference room. I hope you find the catering to your liking. You can expect my resignation, when you start acting civilized. Should I call you a therapist? I can gather your family and organize an intervention … I feel like you have a lot of unresolved issues and that’s why you’re so angry with the world—and your employees.