Exes and O's (The Influencer, #2)(11)
I clear my throat, plowing forward. “Tell us a bit about your dating experience. Did you have lots of suitors after Grandpa died?”
“First I set my sights on the men at church, but they turned out to be a bunch of sticks in the mud,” she says with a sassy eye roll. “I certainly wasn’t interested in the rigmarole of courting someone new. One day I happened to be at the seniors waffle brunch, and guess who I ran into?” She jabs her sharp elbow into my rib for emphasis.
“Who?”
“Silas Reeves,” she says dreamily, playing it up for the camera. “I dated Sil right after Marty. He took me to my first high school dance. He was a sensitive creature. And let me tell you, he was a looker. Picture George Clooney in his ER days, but with a larger nose and weaker chin.”
“Sounds like a catch. What happened with him?”
She waves my words away like an irksome housefly. “His wife is still alive. Very inconvenient.”
She starts rooting around in her massive purse, which is at maximum capacity with random receipts, lipstick tubes, and ancient packets of gum, until she finds what she’s looking for.
It’s a crumpled, stained piece of paper. She unfolds it to reveal a cluster of handwritten words and numbers in varying sizes, written in different-color pen. It’s unhinged. It’s madness. Phone numbers, addresses, occupations are scribbled in every open space. I lean in close enough to make out the name Curtis Bell—Croaked in 2003.
“Since Sil aged so well, it inspired me to record a list of all the men I’ve dated. I was quite the flirt back in the day.” She chuckles to herself as she scans her list, scandalized by her past. “Tracked most of them down. But none really wowed me like Marty.”
I scan her list in awe. What first appeared to be the scribbles of a person who lost their marbles suddenly looks like the work of a genius. A mastermind. “This ex-boyfriend list led you to your second-chance reunion with Marty?”
“Indeed. We hadn’t talked in a long while after Sheila passed. So I rang him up and asked him to help me with some yard work.” She does a double wink for the camera.
My wistful expression is quickly replaced by a frown. “Stories like yours don’t happen to millennials. I’m still aggressively single with zero romantic prospects, swimming in debt, getting mugged on public transit. I’ve even resorted to online dating.”
Grandma Flo shrivels at the horror. She doesn’t know where to start. My mugging? My lonely future? The fact that I’ve just confessed my private life to the entirety of the internet?
Either way, the comments are coming in hot.
Omg, I so relate. Online dating is the worst!
Yikes. That sucks. You should get a cat.
Grandma Flo makes a tsk sound, severely disappointed with the youth of today. “The Facebook is no way to meet someone.”
I don’t bother to explain that Facebook is not synonymous with the internet writ large. “Tell me about it. But this is how it is now. This is modern dating.”
“So, what you’re saying is, you’re looking for love and you’re finally open to my help?” Grandma Flo’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. For years, I’ve warded off her offers to set me up with random suitors (including her church friend’s eighteen-year-old grandson).
“So long as they’re in my age category,” I warn.
When she strokes her chin, I expect her to rattle off a laundry list of potentials. But she just shrugs and says, “I don’t know of anyone suitable right now, aside from Ethel’s grandson, Hank. The one who just got out of prison. I’ll survey my girlfriends and get back to you.”
I cringe. You know the dating world is bleak when Grandma Flo can’t even muster up one measly option aside from a convicted felon. “I wish I could just meet the One in a laundromat like Mom and Dad. Or by crashing into each other on bikes like Grandma and Grandpa Chen. Or by reuniting with my childhood sweetheart like you and Martin.” I let out a disgruntled sigh at all the romantic love stories in my family. “Romances like those don’t happen in real life anymore.”
She leans forward to the edge of the couch. “They don’t just happen, Tara. You have to make them happen. Why don’t you do what I did?”
“Try to date my exes?” I clarify.
“Why not? What better pool to choose from than already vetted men? Of course, leave out the duds,” she advises. “But I remember you dated some fine fellows.”
She’s not wrong. Some of my exes are total catches. They’re all somewhat similar. Generally kind, soft-spoken, good-natured, and trustworthy. The men most women friend-zone, ignoring their potential and understated sex appeal until it’s too late. “You know what, Grandma? This could be a good place to start my search.”
She leans in with yet another slightly disturbing double wink. “I’ll tell you one thing. Men only get better with age. Trust me, second time’s a charm. Maybe you can even find one on time for that Valentine’s Day gala of yours.”
By the time we end our Live Session, there’s an avalanche of comments on our video, most of which are encouraging me to pursue my exes and get a date for Valentine’s Day. In fact, it’s garnered twice as many views as my usual videos.
Maybe Grandma Flo has a point. All the romance books and movies insist true love happens passively. Love, as we’re told, is not something you actively seek out. The best love stories just magically fall into the laps of those who don’t expect or want them.