EMBRACE YOU Lone(liness Book Two)(5)
Lizzie has latched on like an expert and is now drawing milk out of me - this sensation feels sharp and makes me jump slightly. It also makes me cramp.
"Yes, that's normal," says Gwen. While I'm feeding my baby, she presses hard on my uterus, pushing it down hard. "We want your uterus to contract quickly. Lizzie can help you out with that."
"Okay." While I feed my baby, I suddenly begin to feel very sleepy. After all, it's early morning! Before I nod off, I look closely at the baby - she has curly, brownish-blonde hair. Her eyes are still shut, so I don't know what color they are. I've read that they won't actually take their true color on for several weeks. She has a tiny, button nose and a little rosebud-shaped mouth. Finally, I doze off, feeling Marcus tenderly lifting the baby out of my arms.
The next day, in hospital, my family and Marcus' family come in, all excited to meet the newest little Hadley. By then, she has managed to stay awake for several minutes at a time. Once I get over the exertion of labor and delivery, I feel fine - until I try to take a walk down the hall with Marcus. By the time I return to my room, I feel as though I'd run a marathon! I take an hours-long nap afterward, waking only when I hear Lizzie crying for a feeding. I see her daddy tenderly and carefully taking her out of the bassinet. He cuddles her for a few minutes while I rearrange my nightgown and nursing bra. Once she's in my arms, she roots around looking for my breast. As before, I jump when she begins nursing. We stay in hospital until my doctor is sure that Lizzie and I are healthy. Marcus stays during the day and returns home at night.
Chapter 3
Finally, it's time for us to be discharged. I am so nervous - will I know when it's time to feed and change her? How will I know what to do? By the time it's time for us to leave, I'm reduced to a bundle of weepy nerves. My nurse, seeing my tears, comes to me and cuddles me for a few seconds.
"Hush now, mum! You've done brilliantly here in hospital. We've been watching you and you've caught on through our coaching. You know how and when to change and feed your little luv. Besides, you have daddy here to help you out. He works from home, right?"
I nod, sniffling.
"Okay, mum, then you have everything you need. You're nervous and your hormones are dropping like a stone. That's why you feel like this. Tell you what - nap when your daughter naps. Rely on Marcus and your family. You're going to do just fine!" She hugs me again and, feeling slightly better, I hug her back.
At home, I take my nurse's advice and have a good lie-down when Lizzie takes her naps. This helps my mood tremendously. Thankfully, mum and my mother-in-law have laid in a good stock of meals they made and stored in our freezer, so all we need to do is thaw and heat them. Our first night home, we have Lizzie's bassinet in our room - which is a good thing. At two a.m., she wakes, bellowing. I sit straight up, frightened. What's wrong with my little girl? Then, I look at the time and realize she's hungry.
Marcus gets her for me, looking at me wide-eyed.
"My God, I didn't know she could get that loud!"
"I hope she didn't wake up our neighbors downstairs."
"We'd better start looking for a single house soon. I don't know how long they'll want to be hearing that, multiple times a night," says Marcus reasonably.
"Yes, I agree. Soon as I have my strength back, we'll start driving around and looking. It's a good thing we know that we can afford," I say. After a successful tour and the way album sales have been soaring, we are fortunate enough to be able to pay cash for a home.
It takes me only a few weeks, then I begin to feel more normal. One cold, clear Saturday, we bundle Lizzie into her car seat and take her to my parents' so they can take care of her while we house-hunt. I've been expressing and storing milk for her, so now she's got used to taking some feedings from a bottle.
We've talked about what we want in a house. Good neighborhood and excellent schools obviously. I don't know what Lizzie's interests will be, so a good public primary school will suffice until she's expressed her interests. With these requirements in mind, we've decided on a few neighborhoods to look through. We spot several possibilities and I note the addresses down so we can let our real estate agent know. After a few hours we go pick the baby up. Even though we have been gone for a short while, we miss her so much.
Every chance we get, we go out looking at houses we've identified from the adverts in the paper. So far, we've looked at a dozen homes. I remember the daydream I had, where Marcus and I were relaxing on the front lawn with our baby girl; the daydream where I came out of a big stone house. We see just such a house, believe it or not! Four bedrooms, so definitely room to grow; it has a large kitchen and a good-sized front and back yard, so we can picnic when it's pleasant out. Best of all, the house is in an excellent neighborhood, with several top public schools close by. After taking a tour of the house, we look at each other and realize that we have to offer for it! As soon as we get into town, we tell the agent that we want to do so. He looks very pleased and says he will let the seller's agent know. Then, we talk about any improvements that the house will need. We ask about the roof and any recent repairs and upgrades to the house, and our agent says he will get the information we need.
At home, Marcus and I put Lizzie into her crib, then tiptoe out and celebrate by making love. This is the first time since Lizzie was born, so I am nervous. But we fall back easily into the swing of things. Marcus takes it nice and easy with me, which is really sweet. Our lovemaking session is cut short by Lizzie's cries, but I am determined our next one will not be. Wrapping my robe around me, I go in and check on the baby. She needs a feeding and a nappy-change.