Whisper to a Scream (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #6.5)(15)

When they left in his sedan, I told myself not to follow, but I didn’t take my own advice. Sitting in the backseat, invisible to the human eye, I knew I shouldn’t be there. Then, Christina reached over to put her hand between the man’s legs, and I regretted my choice.

The taunting sound of her girlish giggle echoed in my ears long after I exited the car. I paced the streets with a desperate fury. Keeping myself hidden from human sight, I spewed every obscene word I’d ever heard. It felt wrong and so good at the same time. It felt like defying all that I’d ever known and giving in to the creeping darkness.

Right now, Christina was pleasuring a man for money. It was an occupation almost as old as time itself. No matter how I felt about her, she would always belong to the man with the money. His name and face would change, but nothing else would.

I waited at her apartment. Unable to sit still, I paced outside the building, trying not to scream as my mind conjured up image after image of Christina giving herself away for a price.

“Holy crap, Willow, you scared me.” Christina gasped when I stepped out of the shadows. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk. I apologize for showing up like this. I couldn’t wait.”

“Alright.” She gave me a critical once over as she fumbled for her keys. “Come on up.”

She led me inside, giving me another curious glance. “Is everything ok?”

“No,” I said honestly. “It’s not. I’m having a hard time coping with my feelings for you.” I watched her move about the apartment, tossing her coat and purse aside. Feeling like an outsider, I struggled to find the words. “I know it’s forbidden. I need to let you go. Then, I think of you in a strange man’s arms, and I want to do something so horrific I can’t even believe these thoughts are mine.”

Our eyes met, and she sat heavily on a kitchen chair. She crossed her arms in an unconscious, protective gesture. “This isn’t exactly easy for me either. I saw one guy vanish, and all of a sudden, angels are real. But, I still haven’t seen proof of that. Don’t get me wrong, Willow, you’re a great guy, but this entire situation is pretty messed up. In another life, if things were different, I could really love you.”

“Could?” That was what I wanted to hear, wasn’t it? She didn’t love me. I could let her go now.

Christina chewed her lip and shook her head. She gave a small shout of frustration. “Look, what I feel when I’m with you, I’ve never felt that with anyone. But, fairytale romance doesn’t exist in my world. That kind of love isn’t for people like me. Honestly, it scares me.”

I crossed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms. I kissed her, a feverish and desperate press of lips. “I can’t stand the thought of you with them, all those men. Their hands on you… it makes me sick. I don’t know how to accept it. I can’t.”

Placing both hands on my chest, she pushed me away and shook her head, her expression, one of sadness. “It’s just sex, Willow. It’s not love. I don’t expect you to understand that, but it’s my life. That’s just the way things are.”

“It’s not your life though,” I insisted, unable to quell the rising fear. “There is so much more ahead for you, if you would only embrace it. It’s not too late to change.”

“What if I don’t want to change?” Christina countered. “Has it ever occurred to you that I’m perfectly happy with the way things are?”

Of course, it hadn’t. How could she be happy giving herself to men night after night?

“Besides,” she added. “It’s not like this thing with us is serious. You can’t be with a human, and I don’t even know if I believe you are what you say you are.”

She reached for her trusty tequila bottle, taking a deep swallow. The smell of the noxious fluid made me wrinkle my nose. I hated that poisonous swill.

“I have never lied to you, Christina.” I eyed the bottle, thinking about taking it away from her.

“You have never shown me proof either.” A challenge burned in her eyes. “What do you really want from me, Willow?”

A hush fell between us. We stared at each other with only the hum of the refrigerator breaking the silence.

“I want to save you,” I heard myself say. “I love you, Christina. I’m sorry. I don’t think that’s what you want to hear.”

“For Christ’s sake, Willow, this is just a fantasy. And yes, I’ve been enjoying it too, but we are not part of the same world. You’re risking a lot by being with me. I can’t let you do that.” Her voice rose in exasperation. Tequila splashed out of the bottle onto the floor as she gestured wildly.

I boldly stepped forward, tearing the liquor bottle from her grasp. I threw it into the sink, the heat of anger fueling my action. It exploded into pieces. “How can you do this to yourself? Don’t you see how valuable you are? You’re wasting your life.”

Christina’s eyes widened in disbelief. She let out a small shriek and balled her hands into fists. Her eyes sparkled with angry tears.

“I didn’t ask you to save me,” she shouted, her voice echoing throughout the apartment. “You can’t even kiss me without guilt. What I need, you can’t give me.”

Her words unleashed something inside me. The need to have her really see me had never died. If anything, it was stronger than ever. In a moment of frustration and weakness, I unfurled my wings and showed my true self.