Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game(11)

“You gotta be f**king kidding me,” I hissed as a strangled cry erupted from Maddie’s throat. We both stared in horror at the sight of what was left of Jake sitting on the edge of the desk not a foot in front of me. Nausea overcame me that the larger than life sports god and manwhore was compressed into one tiny box. It didn’t seem possible.

Mr. Whitfield grimaced. “Do let me apologize for Ed’s callousness. He should have never brought these cremains in here. We usually keep them in the back until the urn is picked out.”

Maddie’s breaths came in harsh pants, and I swiveled my head to meet her frantic gaze. By the looks of it, she was about to start hyperventilating. Before I knew it, she reached over and fumbled for my hand. Part of me wanted to smirk and say, “Yeah, who’s freaked out by funeral homes now, huh?” But I would have been a total prick if I’d done that. Instead, I did the compassionate thing for once, and I squeezed her hand before I cleared my throat and stood up.

“Mr. Whitfield, we’re really in a rush, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to just give you Jake’s things.”

Mr. Whitfield nodded. “Once again, I do apologize. We’ll see you two back tomorrow evening then.”

I nodded. I cast one final look at what was left of Jake before I tugged on Maddie’s hand, leading her out of the room. Her sniffling echoed through the empty hallway. When we got outside, I inhaled sharply of the fresh air as I leaned against the mahogany door. With her back to me, I could see Maddie’s shoulders rising and falling with her cries.

“Um-are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded.

“I’m sorry about having to—to see Jake like that. Uh—he would want us to—you know—remember him the way he was—when he was alive,” I stammered. I realized I sounded like an uber dickhead, but comforting grieving females was so out of my realm of expertise.

When she turned around, her dark eyes glistened with tears, and my heart thudded in my chest. I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone more beautiful than Maddie was in that moment. Jesus, what was happening to me? I may have never seen anyone more beautiful before, but I’d also never felt more like a creep and a weirdo either.

“You’re right,” she murmured. She smiled weakly. “Thanks Noah.”

I was too dumbfounded to do anything else but nod. I tried to shake off the weird feelings that were crawling over my body. I was going to be eighteen in two months, and I’d never, ever experienced the emotions I was feeling right now. I didn’t know what was more frightening: the fact I was entertaining attraction for the “goody” preacher’s daughter, or the fact that I was experiencing these feelings in the parking lot of funeral home not ten feet away from the ashes of my dead best friend. Either way, I felt like checking into the psych ward of the hospital immediately.

I led Maddie over to the car and opened the driver’s side door for her. She gave me an appreciate smile before I headed around the side of the car. As we started down the road, a thought popped into my mind. “So did you do the ‘cuss can’ thing to Jake, too?”

She giggled. “Yes.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “He actually did it?”

“Sure, he did.” A wide grin stretched across her face. “He liked to joke that his foul mouth probably paid for the spring mission trip!”

I laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, Jake was known to have a pretty serious potty mouth.”

“He did for a while. Then he got to where he never even made a slip-up.”

I shook my head. “Wow, that doesn’t sound like Jake,” I murmured.

Maddie appeared lost in thought for a few seconds. Finally, she drew in a deep breath. “Noah,” she began. “You’re probably going to be hearing some things in the next few days about Jake that will—you know, surprise you.”

“Oh?”

She nodded. “I just want to prepare you.”

“What kind of things?”

“Well, things that you wouldn’t have expected from him. Things he didn’t want everybody to know or to see about him…yet.”

I thought about the ring and the song lyrics. I knew Maddie was on to something. Plus, there had been all that craziness in the last few weeks about him making a change and giving up drinking and partying. Frankly, as an extreme Michael Jackson fan, I thought Jake had listened to Man in the Mirror a few too many times.

We pulled into Jake’s driveway and got out of the car. I walked around and met Maddie on the driver’s side.

“Thanks for going with me, Noah.”

“Thanks for taking me,” I replied.

She gave me her beaming smile—the one that spread across her face, causing her dimples to pop out—and then she reached over and hugged me. As she pressed against me, I tried not to think of the way her fabulous rack felt. Instead, I tried thinking about how comforting it felt being hugged by her. Once again, I wasn’t sure which one was the worse of the two evils.

***

Chapter Four

That night when I climbed into bed, sleep evaded me. Instead, every memory I could conjure of Jake barreled its way through my mind. All I could do was think about him. A fire raged in my chest. Small flames licked at my heart until it grew into a billowing inferno. I knew what I needed to do, but I was too stubborn to give in to it. It was simple enough…I just needed to weep and to mourn. If I cried, I could release the pain…I could put the fire out. But I wouldn’t do it. Instead, I lay in bed, choking and suffocating in my own hard heartedness.