The Poet X(16)

Our scary movie date for Halloween. You and me.”

And we both say at the same time: “And Caridad.”





Angry Cat, Happy X


C: Girl, this angry cat meme reminded me of you.

X: Smh. Ur dumb. I was just about to text you.

Scary movie Halloween date?

C: Duh! How you doing? How’s that boy you feeling?

X: I’m good . . . He’s fine.

C: Why “. . .”?

X: I know you don’t approve.

C: Xio, I just don’t want you getting in trouble.

But I like seeing you happy . . . Like this happy cat meme!





Friday, October 19





About Being in Like


The smoke park is empty again.

And I’m so glad we finally

have another half day.

The afternoon stretches before us.

No Mami to call me. She’s still at work.

Twin’s genius school runs on a different schedule.

Caridad never texts during class.

It’s just me and Aman

and his hand brushing my cheek to insert an earbud.

“You ever smoked a blunt?”

I shake my head.

“Word. Drake is better when you lit.

But we can listen to him anyways.”

And so I shut my eyes,

pressing my shoulder closer to his as he settles his iPhone between us, as he settles his hand on my thigh.





Music


for A

Placing my head in the crook of your neck

makes me happy to be alive.

Eyes closed hands clasped.

Don’t breathe and maybe we will live like this forever.

It be gibberish but everything you whisper sounds like poetry.

I missed you.

This was supposed to be a question.

Not a poem confessionor whatever it’s become.

I just wanted to know if you would listen with me to the sound of our heartbeats.





Tuesday, October 23





Ring the Alarm


The day that becomes THE DAY

starts real regular. Same schedule, and nothing changed ’til last-period bio.

It’s the first Tuesday

since “the Eve episode”

and with thirty minutes left of school a fire alarm goes off.

Mr. Bildner sighs and stops the PowerPoint that was showing us how Darwin figured out finches.

Aman squeezes my hand beneath the desk and stands. Slings his bag across his shoulders (he never puts it in his locker).

Before I know what I’m saying the words skip like small rocks out my mouth: “We should go to the park.”

They sink in silence. He cocks his head.

“You know Bildner’s going to take attendance if this is a false alarm?”

The class lines up to exit and as we scrunch together

my ass bumps Aman’s front.

I don’t move away.

I whisper over my shoulder, “We should still go.”

Aman’s finger pulls on one of my curls.

“I didn’t know you liked Drake enough to get caught cutting.”

I lean back against him,

feel his body pressed against mine.

“Drake isn’t the one that I like.”





The Day


We are side by side

sitting on our park bench.

Aman slides his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him.

Today there are no headphones, no music, just us.

He brushes his lips across my forehead and I shiver from something other than cold.

His fingers tip up my chin; my hands instantly get sweaty and I can’t look at him so I stare at his eyebrows: cleanly arched, no stray hairs, prettier than any girl’s, and I lean in trying to figure out if he waxes or threads.

Then he’s leaning in too and I know I have one moment to make a decision.

So I press my lips to his.

His mouth is soft against mine.

Gently, he bites my bottom lip.

And then his tongue slides in my mouth.

It’s messier than I thought it’d be.

He must notice, because

his tongue slows down.

And my heart is one of Darwin’s finches learning to fly.





Wants


As much as boys and men

have told me all of the things

they would like to do to my body,

this is the first time I’ve actually wanted

some of those things done.





At My Train Stop


My train pulls slowly into the station so I take my hand out of Aman’s.

He looks at me with a question on his face and I can feel the heat creep up my cheeks.

He’s asking me something

but I can’t hear a word he’s saying because I keep getting distracted by his lips and the fact that I now know how they taste.

“X, did you hear me?

I’ll text you later. Maybe we can go out this weekend?

To Reuben’s Halloween party?”

I hop off the train without giving him an answer, without waving at him through the window.

With too many things to say and nothing to say at all.