Not Perfect(9)

“Hey, Fernie Bernie,” she said gently.

Fern stirred, then moaned.

“Hey, Fern, it’s time to get up for school. Are you feeling okay?”

Tabitha thought about her day, what it would mean if Fern had to stay home sick. Thankfully, she didn’t have a job interview, but she had planned to walk through the city to see what there might be for the taking. She had canceled her membership to the gym, which automatically charged her credit card each month. She still had the six yoga classes left, but after that, walking was going to be her only exercise. She might as well combine it with a hunting-and-gathering mission. She was sort of excited about what she might find. She had noticed a robust rosemary bush on Emerson Street.

Fern twisted, so that she was lying on her back, then quickly flipped over and threw up on the floor. It wasn’t too much, and Tabitha tried not to be relieved that it might not require many paper towels and instead to be more concerned about what was going on with Fern. Fern retched again, and again, and Tabitha started to worry. She tried to sit her up a little, but Fern resisted, apparently unable to get any relief. Levi stumbled in.

“What’s going on?”

“Fern’s sick,” Tabitha said, just as Fern stopped retching and curled into a ball of misery.

“Too much goat cheese,” Levi said a little meanly, or maybe a lot meanly. “Who has just goat cheese for dinner?”

“No, it couldn’t have been that. I feel fine. Do you feel fine?”

“I guess.”

“So listen, I can’t leave her here. Do you think you can call Dash and see if you can walk with him and his parents?”

“I’ll be fine,” Levi said. “I’m almost thirteen. I can walk to school alone.”

Tabitha hesitated. Lately, she was always worried about these small decisions she made on her own without Stuart there to say, “He’ll be fine.” But really, if Stuart were there he would walk Levi to school, and this wouldn’t even be a discussion.

“Okay,” she said slowly. And for the first time in a long time, Levi smiled.



Levi Brewer was aware of the air hitting his face in a way he hadn’t been before. Maybe because he was usually ducking his head, waiting for his mother to embarrass him. Whatever. He was finally free. He couldn’t believe his luck. Well, he was sorry Fern felt bad, of course, but he was very happy to be out here alone. So many things ran through his mind as he stepped onto the sidewalk after nodding to Mort. He could skip school. He could run away. He could go to the train station instead of school and just see where he ended up. He could go looking for his father, who hadn’t been home for so long and hadn’t even bothered to call. Levi was fairly sure this was not normal. No, he told himself, he had to play it cool. If he pretty much did what he was supposed to do, then maybe he could walk alone more often. He should wait to do something crazy. He should take his time and plan it.

He hesitated before deciding to go his usual way, just in case his mother was watching him from the window, which was likely. But as soon as he knew he was out of sight, he turned north again, away from school, and walked up Nineteenth Street toward the Square. By now he would bet his mother had moved away from the window and gone back to Fern. He glanced at his phone. He was a little early, and really, he could be a little late, so he calculated that he had about twenty solid minutes to sit and think. He went to La Colombe, his father’s favorite coffee place. He walked in slowly, scanning everyone. Of course he knew his father wasn’t going to be here. There was no way he was just waiting two blocks from their apartment. He was supposed to be away, on a business trip. But something didn’t seem right, no matter what his mother told him. He chose one of the few empty tables, farthest from the coffee bar, and sat down. He opened his backpack, then unzipped the deep inner pocket. This was where he kept the envelope.

He wondered if he dared pull it out. Everyone around him looked busy, so why not? He brought it out onto the table and held it. Then he lifted the flap, which was getting pretty ratty. He had to be careful. He didn’t want it to rip. Inside there were five ten-dollar bills and a note. He could get coffee! He could do anything! But so far he hadn’t spent a dollar of it; he hadn’t broken a bill. He wanted to keep it just as his father had given it to him. He counted the bills, then let them settle back to the bottom of the envelope. He pulled out the note. It was on plain printer paper, and it looked like it was written quickly.

Dear Levi,

I am so proud of you. Everything you’re doing, especially for your bar mitzvah, is exactly what I hoped you would do. I have to go away for a while, and you’re sleeping now so I don’t want to bother you, but I wanted to tell you a few of my ideas. You are going to rock your Torah portion, I just know it, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you with that. Also, as far as your community service project goes, I think you should do something to help the hungry. Feeding people is so basic, so important. There is an organization called The Family Meal that my old firm worked with, reach out to Nancy there if you want to. If you have something else in mind, go for it! I love you. I’ll be thinking about you.

Dad

Levi pretty much had it memorized by now, but he read it over and over again, hoping something new would appear or that he would suddenly realize he had missed something, a clue or an extra page. But every time it was the same. Nice enough, but not what he really wanted to know. He wanted to know where his dad was and why he’d been gone so long. He wanted to know why he left this note instead of just calling from wherever he was to talk about it. He put the note back in the envelope, which he slipped into his backpack. He scanned the crowd one more time, and then he left, headed to school, told Rhona at the front desk that he was sorry he was a little late but his sister was sick and they had had a rocky morning. Rhona smiled and nodded. He could probably tell her anything and she would believe him. As he walked to his classroom, he ducked into the bathroom. He knew he was supposed to text his mother, she was probably waiting with her phone in her hand, but it was late, and she’d wonder what took him so long. Better to pretend he forgot. Before he put his phone away for the day, he found the tracking app, the one with orange stick figures, thinking he would turn on the notification part so he could see if his mother tried to track him, and then bust her since she promised she wouldn’t do that. But as he was about to do it he had a better idea and turned off the tracking ability altogether. He just blocked it. Ha. Really, he could disappear at this point and nobody would know.