Halfway to You(2)

She owes this to herself. So here she is, seizing it, despite her sweaty palms and self-doubt.

When she reaches the ferry terminal, Maggie unlocks her death grip on the steering wheel and flexes her numb fingers. Normally, she would call her mother in Colorado to talk through her worries, but she hasn’t spoken to Tracey since she dropped the news of this trip. Maggie always knew that her mother disliked Ann, but it still stung when Tracey tried to convince Maggie to relinquish the biggest interview of her career—without explaining why.

Taking up her phone, Maggie scrolls past her mother’s name and Brit’s GOOD LUCK MAGS!!! text, pausing on the Whitaker Family text thread to thumb through old jokes and memories. The family stopped messaging each other shortly after Uncle Keith—Tracey’s brother—died. The last message is from his wife, Barbara, trying to arrange a family barbecue like Uncle Keith used to do—a plan that ultimately fizzled. He was the glue that held everyone together. Maggie used to text her family all the time—a security blanket—but now all that’s left are loose threads.

For a brief moment, Maggie considers messaging everyone, but she sets her phone back down. Choosing to lean on herself, Maggie eases her nerves by skimming her preinterview notes, a list of essential details and conversational entry points:

Pamela Fawkes: the alcoholic mother who raised Ann in poverty

One million: the inheritance from Ann’s absent father, which bought her a new life in Europe

Keith Whitaker: Ann’s agent and dearest friend, who launched her career

Todd Langley: the love of Ann’s life, a man with his own tragic past

As proven by previous interviews (as well as Keith’s infuriating unwillingness to tell Maggie anything about her favorite author), Ann does not like to discuss her personal life—especially Todd. It is unconfirmed whether they ever reconnected after the accident that occurred in 1999. The topic remains a sore spot. This interview is the first time Ann will have broken her silence since those highly publicized and misrepresented events. It’s a miracle (and, frankly, a mystery) she even agreed to SBTS’s request—but Ann’s episode could spur a new era of high-profile guests and success for the podcast.

Needless to say, there’s a lot riding on this interview.

To Maggie and the rest of the world, Ann’s whole life feels like a half story, a myth. Everything Maggie knows—from Ann’s tempestuous relationship with her mother to her fondness for Keith and her tragic romance with Todd—is in tiny fragments: rumors in tabloids, stilted interviews, fleeting footage from brief public appearances. Even Ann’s travel essays and short stories—which kept her relevant all those years after Chasing Shadows, before the public gave up hope for a sophomore novel—leave much to the imagination.

But that’s the point of the podcast.

This assignment—and the whole idea behind Stories Behind the Stories—is to unveil the person behind the work. Maggie isn’t oblivious to the fact that better reporters, as well as fans, stalkers, and biographers, have already tried and failed to get the full Ann Fawkes story. The only difference for SBTS is timing. Keith died four years ago; Todd, two years ago. Two pillars of Ann’s life—her longtime friend and her lover—are gone. Now that she has no one to protect, it’s the perfect time for Ann to tell her story. Maggie said as much in her initial email to Ann’s publicist, who was already amenable to scheduling promotional interviews due to an upcoming press tour for Ann’s new short story collection releasing later this year.

Ann herself wrote back with terms:

Open topics: Chasing Shadows, travel articles, new story collection

Off limits: My personal life

Ann’s terms were the antithesis of SBTS’s mission, but with Grant hovering over her shoulder, Maggie agreed. “For now, we’ll take what we can get,” he said.

The problem: Ann’s writing is her personal life. Even her fiction is semiautobiographical, and her new collection—her only book-length publication since Chasing Shadows—is about her mother. Like it or not, everything Ann writes is tied to her personal life. She must’ve known that when she responded to Maggie’s query.

And Maggie knew that when she agreed, anyway.

“We’re in the door,” Grant said once the email was sent. “Now it’s up to you to convince Ann Fawkes to spill it all.”





MAGGIE


San Juan Island, Washington State, USA

Saturday, January 6, 2024

Podcast: Stories Behind the Stories Episode #148: Ann Fawkes

Raw audio clip #3

MAGGIE: Test, test, test. Okay.

Raw audio clip #4

MAGGIE: Can you introduce yourself?

ANN FAWKES: My name is Ann Fawkes. I’m a travel essayist and author of Chasing Shadows.

MAGGIE: Tell me about Chasing Shadows.

ANN: What would you like to know?

MAGGIE: Let’s start with the stats.

ANN: I’m really dating myself here, but it was released in 1987. It was a number one New York Times bestseller and NYT Notable Book, with a very popular movie. [Pause.] I sound rather vain.

MAGGIE: Not at all. It’s impressive. [Pause.] At its heart, what do you think the novel is truly about?

ANN: Chasing Shadows is about a woman destroyed by love.

MAGGIE: [Chuckles faintly.]

ANN: Is that funny?