A Kingdom of Blood and Betrayal (Stars and Shadows #2)(13)

“It’s hard to love someone like that sometimes. To constantly fear for them and pray that your love doesn’t break your own heart. I guess you know a thing or two about that?” She tilted her head and watched me take in her words. She was calculating, sizing me up, but I would leave her wanting.

“I don’t love him.” I shook my head and glanced away from her.

“Don’t you?” She moved past me and busied herself with my food. “I don’t know much about you, Adara. I know that you’ve been blessed by the stars but cursed by Evren’s father. But I also know that loving that boy, if that’s what you choose to do, that would be your biggest blessing of all.”





CHAPTER 5





I had locked myself in my room for two days. Mina was the only one who had been in or out, but I had told her that I wanted to be alone.

Sleep hadn’t cleared my head like I hoped it would. Instead, I felt more lost than ever.

I was haunted by the sound of Evren knocking on my door, of him pleading with me to let him in, when I was screaming at myself to force him out.

I held a warm cup of tea in my hands and pulled my knees to my chest as I stared out the window with a deep ache in my chest. I had a perfect view from my window, and as I opened it, I could hear the bustle of the lively city just beyond the palace walls.

Laughter rang out and met me along with the scent of delicious spices that made my stomach pang with hunger. I watched as a few people walked by, oblivious to me sitting quietly in the window, and I was so shocked by how normal it all seemed.

I was in the Blood Court, a court known for nothing but cruelty and fear, but I saw none of those things here. Not outside of the palace walls at least. The men and women who passed reminded me of home. Of people working and living, and I longed for a place I didn’t even know.

I wasn’t homesick because I had never loved my home. But I was yearning for a feeling I desperately wished for. I longed for that sentiment, for that nostalgia.

But it wouldn’t come.

There was a soft knock on my door, and I heard Mina humming outside, hovering like I had found her to do since I had been here. I didn’t know if it was due to her own motherly instincts or if Evren had asked her to do so since I had refused to allow him the task.

She walked inside before I could tell her to do so, and she came carrying another tray of food. I had only been here for two days, but already I had eaten more than I had in forever.

“I’m starting to think you’re trying to fatten me up for slaughter.” I laughed before looking back out the window.

“Well, right now you wouldn’t be very tasty. You’re nothing more than skin and bones.”

Mina set my tray on the small desk before moving to look out the window at my side. “Why don’t you get out of this room and go outside? Instead of trying to imagine what it’d be like from this dusty window.”

“I’m okay.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to leave the room because leaving these four walls meant that I had to face what was outside. I had to face the truth that Evren was leaving whether I wanted him to or not.

I had to face the fact that my bones ached with the desperation for him not to.

“Evren’s been by again. He wants to see you.”

“I don’t want to see him.” Gods, I was desperate to see him, to feel him.

“I told him as such, but I don’t think I can keep him away for much longer. That boy is as stubborn as you are.”

“I’m not stubborn.” I pulled my gaze from the window to look at her and took a long sip of my tea.

“And my tits don’t touch my belly button.”

My tea spewed from my mouth, and I sputtered at her words.

She simply grinned. “We can both lie to ourselves, but that doesn’t make the truth any less real.”

“Fine.” I wiped my tea from my chin and set my cup down on the ledge. “I am stubborn, but I still don’t want to see him. I know that you love your prince, but he used me. He tricked me and used me…”

“And I’d say he’d probably do it again if given the chance.”

I snapped my mouth shut as she moved back to my tray and uncovered my food.

“What he did was get you out of the Fae Court. I think you know what they would have done to you there. Did you get a look at Thalia when you arrived? You would’ve been worse. So much worse.”

I didn’t say a word because I didn’t know what to say. Thoughts of Thalia had flooded my mind since Evren left my room. Jealous, cruel thoughts.

Mina’s words confused me. Of course, she was right about Evren getting me out of Gavril’s hands, but what she said about Thalia? I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

“What do you mean about Thalia? What happened to her?”

Mina wiped her hands down her apron. “You should ask Evren or Thalia about that.” She glanced toward the doorway, and I hated that there was something she wasn’t telling me. But her loyalty didn’t lie with me.

“Do you care to run me a bath?” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked back out the window. “I’d like to clear my head.”

“Of course.” Mina nodded and pressed her hand to her mouth as her gaze bored into me.

She turned and walked away, and I could sense her magic just as the water began to run in the bath chamber. I looked down at the stewed meat and bread she had brought in, and I sat down before it and forced myself to eat.