Witness: See Series (Volume 1)(2)
Madison had pretty much moved in with me…and I was really worried about her. She slept even less than I did and was constantly staring into space. When she did sleep, she would violently toss and turn, then finally wake and pace the floor until exhaustion took over and she found a way to fall asleep again.
Madison has always loved the science behind the Zodiac. Her horoscope is the first thing she looks at when she wakes – but not the kind of horoscope that tells you that you’ll fall in love or win the lottery, though; she reads a cosmic calendar that tells her what all of the planets are doing and how they affect each sign. Apparently, a few months ago there was a Blue Moon, the second full moon of a month; it doesn’t happen very often, and it sounds as if this Blue Moon wasn’t one that Madison was fond of. She hasn’t been herself since that night.
That was the longest night of my life – the night of the Blue Moon. Madison was insanely anxious, and as the night moved on she became even more unraveled. When dawn finally broke, she cried for hours as is if she were grieving an unthinkable loss. Finally, she cried herself to sleep; she slept for two days straight. When she woke, I asked her why she was so sad...she just stared into space and told me she was fine, that her dreams told her everyone was fine. She never would tell me who ‘everyone’ was. I don’t think she’s slept for more than two hours at a time since then. I found it odd that she avoided sleep. Her dreams – even though she had bad ones, ones that I was sure Britain was in – she also had good ones, ones of someone I was sure held her heart.
Madison had just fallen asleep. It was almost five AM, and I toyed with the idea of texting Britain just to see what he was doing – to try and understand if he knew he was in Madison’s dreams. It wasn’t out of character for me to text him at such a late hour – I often did.
In fact, Britain texted me at least twice every day; each morning, he would say ‘good morning sleeping beauty’, and at the end of the day he’d simply say ‘sweet dreams’. I’m sure I could have found a way to avoid him by now and end our friendship, but…deep down, after everything, I still feel like I’m meant to save him...redeem him. Not to mention the fact that he was the only one that could really help me stop Bianca – he was the only one that knew what or who Bianca was.
On my really sleepless nights - the nights that I was worried about Madison, about all of us – I’d gather all my courage and text Britain first. He seemed to enjoy the privacy of the later hour when I’d talk to him. I played dumb with him, let him think that my memory was absent once again. I took on the role of the confused, damaged girl. Sometimes I thought he could see right through the vague responses I’d give to his random questions or comments. I always found a way to hide my true intent for still speaking to him, which was to keep tabs on where and what Bianca was doing. So far, she’d kept her distance from both me and Draven, but I didn’t trust her to keep that pattern. I think that’s what keeps me up more than anything: her…fearing her. Talking to Britain, even if it is behind Draven’s back, makes me feel in control of an uncontrollable circumstance.
Draven and everyone else wanted me to broadcast to Britain and anyone else that cared to ask that I was wide awake and unstoppable; instead, I hid them all from each other. No one knew I talked to Britain, and Britain didn’t know that I always have and always will love Draven. I have no doubt that Britain was watching my every move and knew that I spent my days either at my house or Draven’s, but I never gave him the impression that Draven was more than a friend…that almost made me feel guilty, but then I’d remind myself that I had to keep Draven safe – even if he didn’t think he was in danger.
I whispered Madison’s name, and when she didn’t move I looked down at my phone and ran my fingertips across the screen. Each time I would text first, my heart would race and my stomach would turn…I felt like I was teasing the devil. I climbed out of my bed and slowly crept to the staircase that led to the studio. The sound of my father’s guitar, the sound that always played in my home, grew louder as if to scold me. I looked all around myself as I entered the studio halfway, expecting to see him, but he was hiding... he was close; I could feel his energy. His protection.
I walked over to the black leather couch that centered the room and curled up against the arm. My fingers trembled as I dialed Britain’s number in my phone. I deleted every text he sent and made sure his name wasn’t in my contacts. I doubted that Draven would ever look through my phone, but I covered my tracks anyway. I knew he wouldn’t understand that what I was doing was protecting us…Draven’s jealous streak was as strong as - if not stronger than - mine. You’d think that as long as we’ve been together, we’d be past that point in our relationship. I talked to Kara about it; she thought we both still had it because we were forced to spend so much time apart growing up. That now, more than ever, we both feared we’d forget each other.
She understood the pain of separation; she hasn’t seen her husband in almost six months, and he told her yesterday that he’d be gone at least another six. He did make plans for them to meet in Paris for a few weeks, but she told him that it would have to wait because she needed to take care of me. I argued with her, but I lost – she’s not really speaking to me right now either. I squinted my eyes closed as the idea of pushing everyone I love away came to me. I didn’t mean to. All I wanted was for everything to be right; my only problem is, it’s never been right; we were broken people looking for a peace that was as fleeting as the breath that leaves our bodies.