Origin (Lux #4)(9)

Nobody’s home, I realized.

As Dawson talked her through whatever was afflicting her, horror—real, true horror—turned my insides cold. The pain that was in my brother’s eyes as he smoothed her hair back from her pale face ate me up. At that moment, he looked like he wanted nothing more than to trade places with her.

I gripped the counter behind me, unable to look away.

I could easily see myself doing the same thing. Except it wouldn’t be Beth I’d be holding in my arms and coaxing back to reality—it would be Kat.



I was only in my bedroom long enough to change into fresh clothing. Being in there was a blessing and a curse. For some reason it made me feel closer to Kat. Maybe it was because of what we’d shared in my bed and all the moments before then. It also tore me up, because she wasn’t in my arms and she wasn’t safe.

I didn’t know if she’d ever truly be safe again.

As I pulled the clean shirt over my head, I sensed my sister before she spoke. Blowing out a low breath, I turned and found her standing in my doorway, dressed in bubblegum pink pajamas I’d given her for Christmas last year.

She looked as shitty as I felt. “Daemon—”

“If you’re going to start in on how I need to wait and think this through, you can save it.” I sat down on the bed, dragging a hand through my hair. “It’s not going to change what I want.”

“I know what you want, and I don’t blame you.” She cautiously stepped into my room. “No one wants to see you get hurt…or worse.”

“Worse is what Kat is going through right this moment. She’s your friend. Or was. And you’re okay with waiting? Knowing what they could be doing to her?”

She flinched, and her eyes shone like emeralds in the low light. “That’s not fair,” she whispered.

Maybe not, and any other time I would’ve felt like an ass for the low blow, but I couldn’t muster the empathy.

“We can’t lose you,” she said after a few moments of awkward-as-hell silence. “You have to understand that we did what we did because we love you.”

“But I love her,” I said without hesitation.

Her eyes widened, probably since it was the first time she’d heard me say it out loud—well, about anyone other than my family. I wished I had said it more often, especially to Kat. Funny how that kind of shit always turns out in the end. While you’re deep in something, you never say or do what you need to. It’s always after the fact, when it’s too late, that you realize what you should’ve said or done.

It couldn’t be too late. The fact that I was still alive was testament to that.

Tears filled my sister’s eyes as she said in a quiet voice, “She loves you, too.”

The burn in my chest expanded and crawled up my throat.

“You know, I always knew she liked you before she admitted it to me or herself.”

I smiled slightly. “Yeah, same here.”

Dee twisted the length of her hair in her hands. “I knew she’d be…she’d be perfect for you. She’d never put up with your crap.” Dee sighed. “I know Kat and I had our problems over…Adam, but I love Kat, too.”

I couldn’t do this—sit here and talk about her like we were at some kind of wake or memorial. This shit was too much.

She took a little breath, a sure sign she was about to unload. “I wish I hadn’t been so hard on her. I mean, she totally needed to know that she should’ve trusted me and all of that, but if I could’ve let go of it sooner, then…well, you know what I mean. It would’ve been better for everyone. I hate the idea that I might never—” She cut herself off quickly, but I knew what she was getting at. She might never see Kat again. “Anyway, I had asked her before prom if she was scared about going back to Mount Weather.”

My chest seized like someone had grabbed me in a bear hug. “What did she say?”

Dee let go of her hair. “She said she was, but, Daemon, she was so brave. She even laughed, and I told her…” She stared at her hands, her expression pinched. “I told her to be careful and to keep you and Dawson safe. And you know, she said she would, and she did, in a way.”

Christ.

I rubbed my palm over my chest where it felt like a fist-sized hole had opened up.

“But before I had asked her that, she had been trying to talk to me about Adam and everything, and I had cut her off with that question. She kept trying to make amends, and I kept pushing her back. She probably hated me—”

“That’s not the case.” I looked Dee dead-on. “She didn’t hate you. Kat understood. She knew you needed time, and she…” I stood, suddenly needing to get out of this room and this house and onto the road.

“We haven’t run out of time,” she said quietly, almost like she was begging…and damn if that didn’t hurt. “We haven’t.”

Anger flashed through me, and it took everything for me not to lash out. Because keeping me in that damn cabin had been nothing but a waste of time. Taking several deep breaths, I asked a question I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer to. “Have you seen her mom?”

Her lower lip trembled. “I have.”

I caught my sister’s stare and held it. “Tell me.”