Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World (Aristotle and Dante #2)(3)

I was going to have to give that some thought. I was beginning to see the world in a different way just by listening to her. To listen to her voice was to listen to her love.

“I guess you could say that this isn’t my first time at bat.” She had that fierce and stubborn look on her face. “You’re my son. And your father and I have decided that silence is not an option. Look at what the silence regarding your brother has done to us—not just to you, but to all of us. We’re not going to repeat that mistake.”

“Does that mean I have to talk about everything?”

I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and hear the softness in her voice as she said, “Not everything. But I don’t want you to feel that you’re living in exile. There’s a world out there that’s going to make you feel like that you don’t belong in this country—or any other country, for that matter. But in this house, Ari, there is only belonging. You belong to us. And we belong to you.”

“But isn’t it wrong to be gay? Everybody seems to think so.”

“Not everybody. That’s a cheap and mean morality. Your aunt Ophelia took the words I don’t belong and wrote them on her heart. It took her a long to time to take those words and throw them out of her body. She threw out those words one letter at a time. She wanted to know why. She wanted to change—but she couldn’t. She met a man. He loved her. Who wouldn’t love a woman like Ophelia? But she couldn’t do it, Ari. She wound up hurting him because she could never love him like she loved Franny. Her life was something of a secret. And that’s sad, Ari. Your aunt Ophelia was a beautiful person. She taught me so much about what really matters.”

“What am I gonna do, Mom?”

“Do you know what a cartographer is?”

“Of course I do. Dante taught me that word. It’s someone who creates maps. I mean, they don’t create what’s there, they just map it out and, well, show people what’s there.”

“That’s it, then,” she said. “You and Dante are going to map out a new world.”

“And we’re going to get a lot of things wrong and we’re going to have to keep it all a secret, aren’t we?”

“I’m sorry that the world is what it is. But you’ll learn how to survive—and you’ll have to create a space where you’re safe and learn to trust the right people. And you will find happiness. Even now, Ari, I see that Dante makes you happy. And that makes me happy—because I hate to see you be miserable. And you and Dante have us and Soledad and Sam. You have four people on your baseball team.”

“Well, we need nine.”

She laughed.

I wanted so much to lean into her and cry. Not because I was ashamed. But because I knew I was going to be a terrible cartographer.

And then I heard myself whisper, “Mom, why didn’t anybody tell me that love hurts so much?”

“If I had told you, would it have changed anything?”





Five


THERE WASN’T MUCH LEFT OF the summer. There seemed to be a few rainy days still to come before they went away and left us in our usual drought. While I was lifting weights in the basement, I wondered about picking up some kind of hobby. Maybe something to make me a better person or to just get me out of my head. I wasn’t good at anything, not really. Not like Dante, who was good at everything. I realized I didn’t have any hobbies. My hobby was thinking about Dante. My hobby was feeling my whole body tremble when I thought of him.

Maybe my real hobby would be having to keep my whole life a secret. Was that a hobby? Millions of boys in the world would want to kill me, would kill me if they knew what lived inside me. Knowing how to fight—that was no hobby. It was a gift I just might need to survive.

I took a shower and decided to make a list of things I wanted to do: -Learn to play the guitar I crossed out Learn to play the guitar because I knew I would never be good at it. I wasn’t cut out to be Andrés Segovia. Or Jimi Hendrix. So I just got on with my list.

- Apply for college - Read more

- Listen to more music

- Go on a trip (maybe at least go camping—with Dante?) - Write in a journal every day (try anyway) - Write a poem (stupid)

- Make love to Dante

I crossed that out. But I couldn’t cross it out of my mind. You couldn’t cross out desire when it lived in your body.





Six


I GOT TO THINKING ABOUT Dante and how he must have been so afraid when those assholes jumped him and left him there on the ground, bleeding. What if he had died? They wouldn’t have given a damn. And I wasn’t there to protect him. I should have been there. I couldn’t forgive myself for not being there.





Seven


I FELL ASLEEP READING A book. Legs was lying next to me when my mother woke me. “Dante’s on the phone.”

“What’s that smile?” I said.

“What smile?”

“Mom, just knock it off.”

She shook her head and raised her shoulders in that What? kind of body talk.

I walked into the living room and grabbed the receiver. “Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“I fell asleep reading a book.”

“What book?”