While I Was Away
Stylo Fantome
DEDICATION
If you're gonna dream, why not dream big?
While I Was Away
1
“What are you smiling about?”
Her boyfriend of almost three years, Charlie Kassen, turned at the sound of her voice.
“I'm sorry, I was spacing out,” he sighed, shaking his head.
Adele Reins turned and glanced around. They were alone on a balcony, but behind them, a lot of people were milling about inside a spacious loft, celebrating a birthday. No one was looking at them, though, she couldn't see anything worth smiling about.
“Been spacing out a lot lately, huh,” her voice was soft when she spoke to him again. He nodded, staring off into the distance over her shoulder.
“Uh huh.”
Almost three years ...
And yet they were dull. Adele felt like screaming, she was so bored. Something had happened along the way, somewhere in the middle of being lovers and friends, and they'd slipped into a strange gap. Great friends who happened to live together and have sex occasionally.
And she was positive he felt it, too. Over the past year, he'd grown more and more distant. Charlie had owned and operated a nightclub when she'd first met him. Since then, he'd opened three more, and was scouting a fourth. It wasn't like he needed the money – all his businesses were successful. Lately, she'd begun to wonder if it was just an excuse to get away from their apartment.
She'd also begun to wonder if he was cheating on her, and couldn't quite decide if she'd even care.
This is not normal. We both deserve better. We both deserve ... more. Something ... else.
It was a feeling Adele had been having a lot lately, that something was missing from her life. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, it was just out of reach, but it was definitely there. A ridiculous sentiment, really, because she had a great job and a great boyfriend and great friends. What more could she ask for?
Nothing, and yet ... she wanted more. It was like a piece of her had been missing for a long time, and she was just noticing, and she carried the feeling around all the time. And just now, right that moment, outside on that balcony, the weight of it became too much.
I don't want this anymore. I want something else, and I'm going to go out and find it.
“Charlie,” she sighed, resting her elbows on the balcony railing. He snapped to attention again.
“Yeah, babe, what's up? Need another drink?” he asked, gesturing to the empty wine glass next to her.
“No. But I think we need to talk.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it and seemed to really absorb what she'd said and the tone she'd used. He gave a furtive glance around the space, obviously double checking that they were still alone outside.
“Alright ...” he spoke slowly. Nervously. “About what?”
“About us.”
He groaned and rubbed his hand across his face.
“Does it have to be now, Adele? We're here for someone's birthday,” he reminded her. She nodded.
“Yes, it has to be now, because if we don't do it now, now will never happen.”
“That doesn't make sense.”
“We always say we're going to talk 'later', but 'later' never happens. When is a good time, Char? Six weeks from now? Eight months? A year? I'm ... I'm tired. I feel like I've been tired for a very long time, and I just ... I can't go one more step. I just can't.”
He stared at her for a long time, and Adele stared right back. At this amazing man – a man with a future so bright, it practically blinded her. She stared, and she willed him to take the next step with her.
Please, Charlie. Please don't make me do this alone.
Finally, he heaved a sigh, then moved so he was standing right next to her. His arm brushed hers as he mimicked her pose, his elbows on the railing, hands clasped together.
“I'm exhausted, Adele.”
They both chuckled.
“When did we become so ... so ... so ...” she searched for the right words, not wanting to insult him.
“So fucking boring?” he finished for her, and she laughed outright.
“God, yes! We're so boring, Charlie. Sometimes, when you're reading the paper, I just stare at the back of it and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.”
“When you're in the shower, I stare at the ceiling, thinking of how easy it would be to run away and start over again under an assumed identity.”
“I do love you, Charlie,” she continued, bowing her head to rest against his shoulder.
“And I'll always love you, chick,” he replied, and she felt his cheek on top of her head.
“But I just don't think I can do this anymore,” she whispered. There was a long pause, then she felt his lips against her hair.
“I'm sorry I made you say it first,” he whispered back.
She was surprised to find she was crying. A large tear drop splattered on his dark shirt, then another. She gave a watery laugh and pulled away so she could wipe at her face.
“What does this mean? I mean, should we ... try? Therapy?” she asked, tracing her fingers under her eyes. He grimaced.
“We could ... if you want to, I'll do it,” he offered.