The Girl Who Dared to Think (The Girl Who Dared #1)(13)

Just then, my fingers brushed against something. It was small, smooth, and the contact sent it rolling away from me. I cursed, scrabbling for a moment, and just managed to close my hand around it before it got away. Yanking my hand out, I held it before me, then slowly opened it.

It was a pill. And while Medica pills were brightly colored and well labeled, this one was a nondescript white, the sides completely blank.

Hello… What might you be?

I rolled the pill in between my fingers, thinking. I ought to take it to Gerome was the first thought that came to my head. This was important. Significant. As I thought about it, though, I pictured Grey. Cocky, self-assured, and so… himself. So much more himself than anyone I had ever known—and so unafraid to be so. He didn’t act like someone worried their number would fall. He didn’t act like someone who was worried about their number at all.

I stared down at the three on my wrist. Medica treatment. Mood-altering pills. Liana—vanished.

I shoved the pill into my pocket.





4





“A three?”

My mother’s expression could have wilted crops. My father’s probably would have caused them to combust.

“It’s nothing,” I said. “Just—”

“It is most certainly not nothing, young lady,” my mother replied, her voice soft. Lethal. I looked over at her and didn’t see my mother, but the Knight she was—everything perfectly in order, from the smooth, ebony braid dangling down her back to her shiny black boots. Nothing was ever out of place, out of line.

They were both still wearing their Knight uniforms. In fact, that was all they ever wore, the commander’s insignia shining on both of their chests, right over the heart. They had other, non-uniform clothing, but they never wore anything except their crimsons or the thin undergarments used for sleeping.

“We have been waiting your entire life for you to step up. Become the child this family needed. This, however…” My father pushed away from the dining room table at which we were all seated and began pacing the tight confines of the space. “A three. Scipio’s grace, we’ll have to send her to the Medica, Holly. I mean, do you want to get kicked out of the Citadel, young lady?”

I kept my face carefully neutral at the question, but even the expectation of pain wasn’t enough to keep my heart from hurting at the sound of it. My father spoke the words as if they hadn’t been on his mind every day for the last month. Like I didn’t suspect that he was excited to finally have the opportunity to “correct” me. It made me feel heartsick and raw.

My mother’s expression twisted. “We know people in the Medica,” she said, turning to me, the Knight fading slightly back into my mother. “You’ll be okay, Liana. We won’t let you fall any farther, I promise. You’re not going to lose your home.”

It was interesting how they only ever made promises when they were promising to do something they wanted anyway, but the fear of losing my home was deeply rooted in my heart: I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I wasn’t suited for anything else.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go to the Medica just yet,” I said, already knowing their response. “Maybe give my rank a chance to bounce back?”

“It’s too late for that,” my father replied. “I’m not letting this get any worse than it has. We’ve tried to be reasonable, really we have, but it is clear that you are incapable of handling these… dissident thoughts.”

The word “dissident” made me think about Grey, his one miraculously changing to a nine, and I nursed the smallest spark of an idea. Maybe if I could present it right, they would hold off on sending me to the Medica.

“Speaking of dissidents, Gerome and I were called in to arrest a one down in Water Treatment today.”

That caught their attention. My mother’s eyebrows lifted.

“A one?” she asked. “I heard the alert go out, but I wasn’t aware he had been apprehended. What was his name again?”

“Grey Farmless,” I said excitedly, leaning closer to her. “We happened upon him in one of the service ways. As soon as he saw us he began to run, and I chased after him, using my lashes. He got into an elevator, and—”

“What a stupid thing for a one to do,” my mother said with a laugh.

My father answered with a knowing chuckle. “Well, there’s a reason they’re ones.”

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sudden stab of insecurity their comments created, wondering if they would talk about me like that, if I fell even farther.

“Then what happened?” my mother asked.

“Oh. Well, I thought the same as you,” I said, successfully picking up the thread of the story, trying to act like their comments hadn’t bothered me. “That the elevator wouldn’t work—but then, to my surprise, the platform began to move.”

“What? How?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, answering my father’s question. “All I know is that it started moving almost immediately. I knew if I didn’t act fast, I’d lose him. So I used my lash and attached it to the bottom of the platform as it traveled upward. You should’ve seen it! As soon as it started to slow, I disconnected the lashes and used the cables to launch myself into the room. He thought he’d lost me, but—”