Order (Tattoos and Ties Duet #2)(3)

Honestly, he’d been surprised Fox, his motorcycle club’s president, had kept such a tight hold on his father, also a patched-in member of the club. It had been six months since Keyes had kicked his abusive father to the curb. Of course, he saw his old man at the clubhouse, in all their meetings, and sometimes when they rode out together, but his father had remarkably kept his distance. Keyes just had to put up with his offensive mouth. It was honestly a miracle the man had voted for Keyes to become a full patch member. He always wondered what kind of deal Fox had made with his father to get his acceptance vote.

This morning’s timing though…yeah, that seemed cosmic. The fact that his old man picked today to start shit again—there was no coincidence there. Keyes dropped the phone on the mattress and lifted his head to look down at Alec. Even sleeping, Alec was the most beautiful man in the world—his sunny blond looks just did it for him. Keyes’s arm tightened around Alec in protection. Alec was so damn special to the world—his life mattered. He had meaning and purpose. He made a difference to mankind. If good versus evil existed, Alec landed in the top side of good. Keyes went the exact opposite direction. Even on his best day, he lived his life firmly on the side of evil.

Why Alec had confessed his love last night, Keyes wasn’t sure, but he believed Alec or at least he wanted to. He couldn’t remember one person ever saying I love you to him before. His heart had lapped up every single syllable. Keyes remembered in vivid detail the way Alec moved inside him, owning him body and soul as he spoke softly. Closing his eyes, he could hear the exact tone of Alec’s voice, the haggard whisper against his ear when he’d confessed his love. The shudder that had gone through Alec’s body as he’d held him so tight as if Alec’s life depended on Keyes staying right there by his side… He’d have that moment etched in his heart forever.

Keyes hadn’t said anything in return, but he’d fucking wanted to, so damn bad. He’d been a foolish coward. Alec needed to hear his feelings. Even after having too much to drink, his lifelong survival skill of self-preservation kept him quiet. The sweet and generous Alec had pushed and pushed, fighting to keep them together from the very first day they had met. Even knowing that, Keyes had still held his tongue, refusing to give anything back to this extraordinary man, because ultimately, Alec deserved someone better than Keyes.

He was a self-centered ass.

What the fuck was he doing?

The headache from too much drinking last night compounded with all his overthinking this morning started creeping in as an overwhelming sadness took over his heart. Keyes had let things go too far between them. This whole deal was supposed to be him taking advantage of a rich guy who liked to slum it—end of story. Now they were six or so months in, and he was spending at least two nights every week in Alec’s bed, and Alec was fucking him—which he liked a whole damn lot—and now whispering words of love—which he liked a whole lot too.

Keyes had set himself up to fail. He was living a dangerous life that had him straddling two worlds. One where he belonged, body and soul, and another where, no matter what he did, he would never fit in.

Alec’s father was a high-ranking American politician.

Keyes’s father was no-good trash, a sorry son of a bitch.

Alec worked for the Dallas district attorney who had a hard-on for bringing Keyes’s motorcycle club to their knees.

Keyes changed tires for a living.

Alec was the shiny part of life. He was goodness and kindness. Everything Keyes wasn’t.

Keyes had watched his mother overdose and die when he was a young boy. Alec had vacationed in the Hamptons—wherever the fuck that was.

They came from two different worlds.

Fuck. Keyes’s eyes closed as the illusion that they’d somehow found their balance began to shatter. The pain in his chest grew, hurting on a level he couldn’t quite absorb, and that said a lot since his parents had really done a number on him as a kid.

He had seen enough about the world to know words like I love you were a conditional misconception, something said by people who didn’t understand what life was about. Keyes was never going to be good enough for Alec’s world, and at some point, Alec would get tired of isolating himself inside this house. Keyes couldn’t even imagine a time they could ever go out in public together. If for some unseen reason that time came, what the fuck would they do?

If the situation wasn’t so damned dire, he’d laugh at the mental image of Alec at a club barbecue. Club whores hanging out with Alec Pierce… What a fucking joke. His brothers would never understand whatever this was between him and the attorney.

Resentment and anger slithered up his spine and coiled around his heart. Fuck if he wasn’t so much more comfortable with those emotions.

Nothing had changed between them. They were a good time, nothing more. Fuck his heart’s vehement denial. Where his heart and his head completely agreed was that there was no way a good guy like Alec would continue to love him if he ever found out the truth of everything Keyes had done in his life. Hell, he’d been on a drug run less than a week ago. Alec wouldn’t understand why he did the things he had.

No matter what happened right now, their end didn’t change. They didn’t fit no matter how much he wished they did. White hot pain lanced through the useless organ in his chest. It hurt so fucking bad to think of Alec leaving him.

“Babe, your heart’s pounding,” Alec murmured, laying a warm hand dead center on his chest. Whatever Alec felt caused him to lift his head and open his eyes wider. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”