Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(13)
She snorts at the last statement. “Like I thought you would. Gimme a break, you weren’t going to make the flight regardless. You’ve stood by his bedside waiting, and I get it. He’s your guy, babe.”
“He is, but am I his girl?” The words slip out like poison in my blood. I don’t know the answer to that question and it eats at me.
Ash let’s me stew before she finally speaks again. “He’ll let you know that in one way or another. You both push against each other, for whatever reason. I’ve said my peace to you more times than I care to think about. Don’t f*ck this up, Catherine. Do you hear me?” She’s stern bordering on hostile.
“Yes, Mom.”
We both start laughing at my acquiescence. I miss her so much. Being around her and having her to lean on makes things easier. Mark’s been great, but he’s no Ashton. Although my friendship with him has grown stronger, she’s the rock in my life. I fill her in on the entire few minutes I had with him along with the worries I have.
“They’re all normal feelings,” Ashton reassures me.
“I’m ready for some damn happy times.”
“I think you both need a come-to-Jesus moment and it’ll all work out. Until then, be patient and remember guys like it when you push them around a little bit. So be the bitch for once.”
I wish I could. It’s never been that way for me other than in business. When I’m dealing with a client or the press, I don’t back down.
I exhale loudly. “I need to get back in there. I should make sure Mark isn’t poking him in the face,” I explain.
“How is that dipshit?” Ashton asks at the mention of Mark.
During the few days Ash stayed in Germany, they flirted a bit. I don’t think anything actually happened, but they seemed to get along well. Mark needed her strength when I wasn’t able to keep it together. After his surgery, Jackson was touch and go for a while. There was no holding each other up because we were both crumbling. I’ve never seen someone so desolate. But Ashton was there, propping us both up, holding his hand and making sure he remained strong, while also keeping me from falling apart. She’s really a remarkable woman.
“He’s fine. Have you two spoken at all since you left?” I wonder.
She lets out a deep breath and I picture her sinking in a chair. “No, it wasn’t like that for me. He lives in Virginia, number one, and number two, I think we’d kill each other. It’s like who can be the biggest smart ass.”
I laugh because it’s completely true. They would either f*ck constantly or beat the shit out of each other. Between her strength and his sarcasm, it’s like setting a match to a piece of wood soaked in gasoline.
“It would be so much fun to watch though. I don’t know when I’ll be back. Is everything going okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, everything is fine. Look, you need to be there. He’s going to need you, Cat. In so many ways, that man needs you,” Ashton says as her strength resonates through the phone.
“I need him too. I just need him to not dick me around. I want him to want me, not push me away again,” I explain with my heart breaking all over again.
“If I remember correctly, you did quite a bit of pushing as well.”
I huff at her not-so-gentle reminder. “Yes, I know. I got this lecture from Mark already.”
“Good. Maybe you’ll realize that you have to fight for what you want. Nothing in this life is guaranteed. So fight for him! Fight with every ounce of your being.”
“I plan to. He’s worth it. I can’t make him love me though,” I say effectively shutting her up.
“No, you can’t. Nor do you want to. But I don’t think that’s a fight you’ll have.”
I peek my head in to see him still sleeping. “Okay, I need coffee, so I’m going to run. I love you and I’ll try to call you in a few days. Miss you, Biffle.”
“Miss you more. Kiss Jackson for me and maybe Mark too.”
“I will,” I reply with a smile.
I put my phone in my pocket and walk to the family waiting area and grab a cup of coffee. I should’ve been getting on a plane in a few minutes, instead I’m here, because he asked me to stay. So many questions float in my head. Sinking into the chair, I rest my head back and try to get a grip. I’ve never had a moment as scary as watching him flat line. My heart starts to race when I replay them pushing me away as he was dying. Needing a few minutes of peace, I close my eyes.
This trip I’ve only slept in bits and pieces, never more than two hours at a time. And never in a bed, most of it was in a chair at his bedside. I think over the conversations with Jackson’s mother, Ashton, and Mark through the past week. Some of their words really strike a chord in me. I’m not the same girl I was a few months ago and I’m definitely not the same one who pined over Neil. The girl who thought she wasn’t good enough for any man and deserved to be treated like shit. I won’t be neglected or cheated on again because I deserve more. I won’t stand for someone who will sleep with my friend, or walk away and not look back. Jackson gave me more. He allowed me to open my heart again, but at the same time I’m not sure if he’s ready to give me the same …
I sit there and let it all sink in. I look at the clock and realize two hours have passed. I must’ve fallen asleep. Scrambling up, I grab my now-cold coffee and head back.