A Family Affair(5)

“I’m all right,” she said. And because it was Joe, she said, “Would you like to come in for a while? Maybe have a coffee before your drive?”

“If you’re sure,” he said. “It’s normal not to know exactly what you want right now.”

“Oh, I know exactly what I want,” she said, holding the door wider. “I want to know why!”

Anastasia Blanchette Fallon was raised by her single mother, Blanche Fallon. She used to tell people she was named for Blanche DuBois from A Streetcar Named Desire, but the play was actually written several years after Blanche was born. Anna’s mother was fierce, independent, stubborn and a little rough around the edges. She had worked in every imaginable job but mostly as a waitress and, when Anna was older, a bartender, as well. She usually had two jobs since there was no husband or father or family to help them. And now Anna looked after her mother. Blanche was plagued by varicose veins, arthritis and out-of-whack discs in her back, reflective of a life of hard work on her feet.

When Anna was young Blanche used to say, “You want to have legs like mine? No? Then study.”

Although her mother’s legs were appalling to her, that wasn’t her motivation as much as fearing she’d get pregnant, be abandoned with a child and live a life of grueling hard work and long hours. She realized early that education was her best way out of that kind of life. She studied hard, but it became a lifelong quest to not become her mother.

Anna actually admired her mother very much—Blanche was fearless, feisty and unfailingly loyal. But Anna wanted more for herself. Security, for one thing. Enduring love. An above-average existence, for another. She and Blanche had managed on a very low income and Anna was determined that her adult years would be more comfortable than her mother’s had been, especially if there were children. It was that goal that kept her from getting mixed up with the wrong guy. In fact, it kept her from getting involved with any guy! Her dating experience became a never-ending battle when she wouldn’t have sex. But damn it, she wasn’t about to do what her mother did and be trapped for want of an orgasm!

And that is how Chad McNichol won the lottery—he had everything she was looking for in a mate and she fell for him. Even though she was twenty-three, she presented him with her virginity and he thought he’d taken a trip to the moon. On the spot he wanted to marry her. Urgently. Desperately. And she wanted to marry him just as badly. He was well educated, came from a good family, had no big debt and had a good reputation. Plus, he seemed kind. There were quite a few ex-girlfriends and even one former fiancée in his past but he was twenty-seven. And handsome. What else should one expect? There were no ex-wives or police records, a positive sign.

They planned their lives so everything would work out perfectly. Anna had a good job as a legal secretary in a successful firm of criminal lawyers and Chad was a counselor in a small mental health clinic in San Francisco while he was finishing his doctorate in clinical psychology. They had a fairy-tale wedding, then a baby girl and three years later a baby boy. Anna was deliriously happy despite the fact that she worked through two pregnancies and took a three-month leave for each baby. But when Mike was a new baby, she almost got divorced. She caught her perfect husband in an affair with a woman whose identity she never learned. He wouldn’t tell her who it was but admitted he’d been involved. He deeply regretted it, swore it was over and wasn’t inclined to end their marriage on account of it. Especially since they had two small children.

Oddly, Blanche and Chad’s family joined forces to urge them to work it out, a challenge not for the faint of heart. They limped along for a few years, always on the brink of separating. In all honesty, if Chad hadn’t been so determined they stay together and try to make it work for the sake of their children, Anna would have thrown in the towel. How could she ever trust him again? How could she ever feel adored again? She hated him so mightily she wanted to kill him.

Instead, she took the LSAT and applied to law school while he was working and the kids were small. She was determined she would not be left a penniless divorcée with no prospects. It was hell, law school while mothering, but she did it. Against all odds. Nothing can motivate a young mother like the fear of being left penniless with a family to raise.

Then it was the boost her achievement gave her ego and brought her up to the finish line, to a place of confidence where she could either leave him or give him another chance. She decided he’d been good and faithful for a few years and had earned another chance so she let herself fall in love with him all over again, and along came Bess.

There were a few times after that reconnection that she doubted him, wondered if maybe he was sliding away from her, but she dismissed her doubts. Chad had always needed a lot of attention, but he responded well to adoration, so she obliged. He also needed to give a lot, so if she fussed over him, he would kiss her shoulder while she brushed her teeth, pat her ass while she rinsed the dishes, lay his head in her lap while they watched TV. She told him he was like a Labrador puppy, always looking for approval and a good petting. A few sweet words and he worshipped her again. That was the balance they struck for the rest of their marriage until recently.

“With Chad, it was never enough,” Anna said to Joe. “Did you know we were in counseling?”

Joe sipped his coffee. “I hadn’t talked to Chad in quite a while,” he said. “That didn’t come up. But it wouldn’t surprise me. Chad, being a counselor, had people in therapy at any excuse. I think it was a favorite pastime of his.”