Defending Hayden (Second Chances #7)(4)
Evan cleared his throat. “In another month, at Stowe Manor. There’s a spot available for a groomsman if you’re interested. I’d love to have you by my side.”
Getting to my feet, I stood before him, extending my hand. “Where else would I be? I’d be happy to.”
Evan grabbed my hand and shook. “You have no idea how good it feels to have you back.” He stood and pulled me in for another hug before heading toward the door. “I guess I should let you get settled, since you just got home.”
“There’s not much to settle.” I laughed. All I had in my car was one duffel bag with the few clothes I had bought in Wyoming.
He shrugged. “Either way, I’ll give you your space.” We walked through the kitchen to the door, but he stopped and faced me. “Why don’t you meet me at the tavern for dinner tonight? I’ve been helping with the bookkeeping while Summer’s out on maternity leave. I could use you as an excuse for a break.”
I shook my head and laughed. “I’ll be there.”
Opening the door, he stepped out and waved. “Seven o’clock.”
Once he was gone, I took a deep breath and leaned against the door. I hadn’t planned on going out this soon, but I couldn’t disappoint him, not when I’d spent the last few months letting everyone down. After Brianna’s death, when I was able to play again, it had been right around play-off time. I’d pushed her to the back of my mind and played as hard as humanly possible until we got to the Super Bowl. We’d won the championship, but it was the worst game I’d ever played. Every ounce of anger in my body had been unleashed, and my team had paid the price for my conduct when I was thrown out of the game. That was one of the main reasons why Coach Joel probably wouldn’t let me return. I’d been stupid and selfish.
The stack of mail looked like it would take a year to go through, so I sat down at the table and got started. Most of it was junk, but when I got to the bottom, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the newspaper clipping that stared straight up at me. It was Brianna’s obituary, with a picture of her smiling face. She’d been so beautiful, young, and full of life. I’d often wondered why she wasted her time on someone like me. Clutching the article, I jumped up and stormed over to the special cabinet above the refrigerator where I kept all my liquor. I grabbed the vodka and unscrewed the cap, bringing it to my lips. I was more than prepared to take the first chug, but when I looked down at Brianna’s smiling face, something inside me clicked.
My heart started to race and my eyes burned. I can’t lose myself now. Setting the bottle on the counter, I leaned over the sink and splashed water on my face. This wasn’t what Brianna would want for me. I took the bottle and turned it upside down, watching as the clear liquid poured out and disappeared down the drain. I didn’t need it anymore. It was time I stopped running away.
Chapter 2
Derek
The only time I’d visited Brianna’s grave was the day of her funeral, but I’d been too f*cked up to remember how I even got there. The walk to her gravestone was enough to rip my heart apart. No wonder I didn’t want to feel. I could barely f*cking breathe. The yellow lilies in my hand were her favorite. Every time I pissed her off, all it took was a bouquet of them to make her happy. It didn’t matter what I’d done, she’d always forgive me once she found those on her doorstep.
However, it’d take a million lilies to get her to forgive me for what I’d done recently. I could only imagine what she’d say if she knew I’d spent most of my nights getting f*cked up and screwing countless women. She’d be disgusted. Hell, I was disgusted with myself. The closer I got to her grave, the harder it was for my legs to move. After eight months of hell, it was time I faced her.
Swallowing hard, I knelt down and placed the flowers on the ground. I looked around, but the cemetery was desolate. There were no sounds other than the birds chirping in the nearby trees and the wind whistling through the branches. I almost convinced myself I could hear her laughing—the same laugh that had caught my attention when she’d joined the Carolina Cougars cheerleading squad a couple of years ago. I’d give anything to hear her laugh just one more time.
Clouds started to roll in and thunder rumbled in the distance. It was a typical summer day in North Carolina. The storms could sweep in and then move out in a heartbeat. That was how I felt, tossed back and forth. Bowing my head, I rested my hand on her gravestone.
“I’m sorry, Bri. I know no amount of flowers and apologies will make up for what I’ve done. I’m not making excuses other than I’ve missed you so goddamned much. I didn’t know how to handle it, especially after…” I stopped and closed my eyes, clenching my hands into tight fists. “After I lost not only you but our child as well,” I finished. My throat closed up and I let the tears fall. I never f*cking cried, but it was the first time I’d let myself truly feel since she’d been gone. The thunder vibrated the ground, but I didn’t want to leave. If I got struck by lightning, I didn’t care; I had to ask for her forgiveness.
“I love you, Brianna, but it’s time I let you go. I don’t want to, but I have to face the fact that you’re not coming back, that I’ll never see your face again. You believed in me, and now I have to believe in myself. I just hope you can forgive me for all the stupid shit I’ve done.”