Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(2)

I’d thought things through, planned for this moment, and yet when faced with it, I managed to do nothing but stick my foot in my mouth big time. I was supposed to let her know how I felt. Finally express the love I’d kept quiet for years. Instead, I pissed her off and scared her in the process.

She hit the unlock button on her key ring and tugged the backdoor open. She was running from me, from what we could have. My worst fear was coming true. Shawn started crying when she sat him in his seat. His little arms reached out for me. He arched his back, fighting against her attempts to buckle him in, and she pleaded with him to stop crying.

He called me Da-Da again, and she corrected him again. I hated when she did that. I liked that he looked at me as a father figure. She kept one hand on his chest while the thumb and forefinger of her other hand pressed into her eyes. I stepped closer and took Shawn out of his car seat. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and pulled at my dreads while I negotiated his good behavior in return for a treat later.

This whole thing had gone down the drain fast. All the meetings I’d attended, all the books I’d read, all the preparation I’d done for this moment had flown right out the window. I let my frustrations take over. The more I talked, the more I seemed to fuck up. I needed to get things back on course. There’d been a point in my life where I’d thought I’d missed my chance, that I’d never be able to let Calida know my true feelings. But fate, or whatever, gave me another one, and I wasn’t going to let it slip through my fingers.

“Do you like this place?” I asked, changing the topic.

“What?” She closed the car door and gave Shawn a faint smile, brushing a few stray hairs out of his face.

“This house…do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s cute, very homey looking. Craftsman style homes are my favorite. Why? Why are you here anyway?”

I grinned. It was working. “I know they are, so I wanted to get your opinion.”

“On what?”

“The house. Just come inside and tell me what you think.” I held my hand out for her.

She voiced her objections, but after a little back and forth, she conceded and slipped her hand into mine. We’d talked before about me looking for a permanent place instead of continuing to pay rent. Everyone expected me to get a condo or something, but it’d be pointless. Well, it would be if things worked out.

“Dr. Carr said you went to see her,” she said, as we walked hand in hand toward the house.

“I did.”

“Why?”

Once we entered, she gravitated toward the fireplace in the formal living room. I’d viewed at least ten homes, but when my agent brought me here, I knew this was the one. I hadn’t signed the papers to make an offer yet, because I needed to make sure she loved it first.

A smile pulled at Ginger’s lips as she ran her hands over the wood-carved mantle. Her eyes went to the large picture window; it was the perfect location to place the Christmas tree. She had that dreamy, hopeful look on her face, a look I’d not seen much of lately, as it seemed to be reserved only for Shawn. She loved this place, I could feel it.

“I wanted to talk to her,” I replied, sitting Shawn down. “I was very confused on how to go about doing something.”

“What were you confused on that you needed to go see my shrink?” she asked, keeping her back to me.

I walked up behind Ginger and wrapped my arms around her. She tensed up from the contact. I was pushing my luck. I loved this woman, and I wanted her to know how much.

“Let go, Malcolm,” she whispered.

“I don’t want to. Not now, not ever.”

I reached into my pocket and fished out the ring. I slid the platinum and diamond infinity band on her delicate finger. She began to shake, and it pained me that she was scared. I pulled away and turned her to face me. She looked down to see what I’d placed on her and shook her head.

“It’s not what you think,” I stated quickly. “You have been hurt in unimaginable ways, and I know you think you are damaged goods. You’ve told me that plenty of times, but I’m here to say you’re wrong. When I look at you, I don’t see broken…or damaged. I see a woman who is beautiful and strong. A woman that has suffered, but survived. And most importantly, I see a woman that needs to be cared for and loved unconditionally. You deserve that and so much more.”

I reached for her hand and ran my thumb across the ring. “This ring is a sign, a symbol, of my promise to you, my promise to never let you be hurt again. I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m just asking for a chance. A chance to show you how much you mean to me, a chance to be the man you deserve.”

She tried to pull away from me, but I kept her close. I lifted her face so I could look into her beautiful green eyes. I could see fear in them, and it saddened me. She had to know I would never hurt her.

“Calida, Ginger, my Ginger. I want to love you and cherish you in the manner you deserve. You just have to let me.”

The front door opened, and she turned to see our families; Macy, my brother-n-law Mitch, and my baby niece London. Ginger’s parents, Sandy and Collin, along with mine, who’d driven down from North Carolina to be here for us. She needed to see that she was not alone, that we all loved her. That they all supported her—supported us.

I waited on bated breath for Ginger to respond. The seconds ticked by stretching out her silence and allowing time for my earlier fears to creep back in.