Messy Love(7)

“And you adopted him?’’

“I didn’t know he was in foster care at first, but we would see each other regularly, and at one point he told me.’’ She paused, eyes lost in the memory as a warm smile stretched her lips. “I remember going home so fast that night. I told Danny we needed to adopt Wyatt, that he was our kid.’’

“It’s great. He got lucky.’’

“At the time, I’m pretty sure he didn’t think so. He would always try to piss us off, to defy us and cause all kinds of trouble. He did his best to test our attachment to him, our commitment and love.’’ She eyed me a little longer before she opened her mouth again. “But I’m sure you have other questions. Go ahead.’’

I took another sip of water, now warmer after I’ve kept my hand around the glass in a grip so tight my knuckles were still a bit cranky now that I relaxed a bit more.

“You said that you had nobody to help you but your cousin. Where was my biological father?’’

She sighed and started playing with her wedding band, turning it around her finger in a move I was sure she wasn’t aware. “His name is Tyler Roy. We met in high school. I had very strict parents, and Tyler was everything my parents hated. He was a bad boy, aloof, a bit lost and wasn’t very driven. I can’t explain it, but we fell in love, really in love. At first, I didn’t mind the things he’d do to get money like dealing with some people or steal a car. I turned a blind eye to it and focused only on the way he would take care of me and how he made me feel loved. But, when graduation got closer I started to want other things, like going to college to build myself a great life. He wanted that for me, but he was getting deeper in with a few people I knew weren’t any good for him. We would fight more and more and get distant. I asked him not to join their gang because I was losing the boy I fell in love with further every day, but he didn’t listen, so I broke things off. That same night he got arrested.’’ She took a break, breathed in deeply as if to keep in check the emotions still tied to these memories. “The police tried to make him give away some names regarding other crimes, but he didn’t. I visited him in jail, begged him to do something if he cared about me, told him that I still loved him.’’

“He didn’t,’’ I whispered, riveted to this story, to this part of my story.

“And he didn’t listen to me,’’ she agreed and sat back in her chair. “He was scared and lost. Two weeks later he was sentenced to jail for eight years for many things he didn’t do, but his friends did. That same day I discovered I was pregnant.’’

“Did you tell him?’’

She nodded. “I visited him a few days later and informed him. He… It’s the first time I saw him break down like that. It’s also the last time I saw him.’’

My biological father was a criminal. “I don’t know what to say.’’

“It’s a lot to take in.’’

“And you’ve never heard of him after that?’’

“A friend told me that she’s heard he went to jail again not long after he got out. He didn’t have parents who cared. He was alone and lost. I’m not surprised. If you want to meet him, I can ask Danny to find where he is. He’s a cop, so I’m sure—.''

I shook my head suddenly. “I’m not ready and knowing this about him? I’m not sure I can meet him. Not yet anyway.’’

She nodded, her eyes sad again. “He wasn’t a bad person, Marissa. It’s strange to say this because he’s always been a bit of a delinquent, but he wasn’t a bad man when I met him. We loved each other intensely.’’ She pointed at my hair. “You have the same hair color as him, but his hair was wavy when he’d let it grow past the top of his ears.’’

“It must have been difficult when you discovered you were pregnant.’’

“You have no idea.’’ She shook her head, eyes downcast. “When I told my parents they threw me out. I had no money, the boy I loved was in jail, and I didn’t know what to do. I was scared, but my cousin, Josie, was there for me. She helped me through the pregnancy, was there when I went into labor and when the adoption agency took you, she helped me smile again and brushed away my tears. Every year on your birthday I spend the day with her, and we do something silly. Without her, I don’t know how I’d be today.’’

“What about your parents?’’

She shrugged and shook her head. “I went once to let them know when I got engaged, but they wouldn’t listen. Then Josie told them when Ava was born, but they still didn’t come. There are things you can’t forget or forgive. They have no place in my life anymore.’’

“I understand. I can’t imagine what it was like for you.’’ I was twenty, and I couldn't imagine myself getting pregnant now, and I was older than she had been when she had me. But if it ever happened to me I wouldn’t be left on my own. I had a very supportive family. “Thank you for what you did for me, Lydia.’’

“Wh-what?’’ Her voice wavered, and tears invaded her eyes again, turning the blue-violet color a lighter shade, glistening in the daylight pouring through the windows in the kitchen.

“You gave me the chance to grow up in a wonderful family. You gave me the chance to have what you couldn’t give me. So, yeah, thank you.’’