Lucy's Book Club for the Lost and Found: A heartwarming feel good romance novel(15)

‘You shouldn’t apologise, Oscar. Having opinions is important. Look at me: I’m only in my early twenties, what have I got to be opinionated about? I haven’t lived enough of a life yet to know what really matters and what doesn’t. Mind you, I’m pretty certain it’s not who gets kicked out of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!’ She waved the scissors in her hands. ‘Besides, you’ve a good many more years under your belt than me – I think a degree of bitterness is entirely normal.’

He looked at her over the top of his cup. ‘Perhaps,’ he replied. ‘Although I suspect you’re just being kind now.’ He sucked in a breath. ‘Normal it might be, but bitterness is still a very destructive emotion. It can suck out all the joy from things if you let it, and I think it’s caused me to be far harsher than necessary on occasion; young Callum and his family are prime examples.’ He stared out towards the door once more.

Lucy followed the line of his sight this time, turning back to Oscar with a quizzical expression on her face. ‘I’ve never once thought of you as a bitter person,’ she said. ‘So, however you feel, you hide it well.’ She could feel Oscar’s indecision hovering in the air between them. He gave a soft sigh.

‘Are you really sure you’ve got time to listen to an old man’s tales?’ he asked.

She flashed him a quick smile, picking up another sheet of paper. ‘I absolutely have,’ she replied. ‘In any case, I’m working, so where’s the harm?’

Oscar followed suit, picking up his own scissors once more. The smile on his face was hard to read. ‘Are you sitting comfortably?’

A momentary flicker of unease ran through Lucy as she wondered whether her resolve to try and get Oscar to talk was a sensible idea, but she had already brought them to this point and there was no going back now.

He fingered the signet ring on his left hand. He wore no wedding ring, but she had seen him touch it several times already during the course of their conversation, as if to reassure himself that it was still there. She wondered whether his wife had given it to him.

‘You asked me a few moments ago whether I had a large family and I’m afraid I rather evaded your question, choosing instead to tell you about my school family…’

Lucy gave a slight nod of encouragement.

‘It was an important part of my life, and one which, despite my somewhat rash comments, I’m enormously proud of. No substitute for your own family of course, but, perhaps they came close, in their own way…’

He closed his eyes and swallowed, before taking a deep breath and lifting his head to look Lucy directly in the eye. ‘I was a father, once,’ he said, ‘for a very brief moment of time. I didn’t even know our child had been born until afterwards, which is odd, isn’t it?’ He wasn’t expecting an answer. ‘You’d think you’d just know something as important as that, wouldn’t you? That your very soul would feel itself expanding into that of another. But there was nothing. It was some weeks after the birth by the time I was told, but by then of course I was a father no more. Our daughter had been given away.’

Lucy’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Oscar, I’m so sorry! I never meant—’

The soft expression returned to his eyes. ‘I know, Lucy, you would never pry… and perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned it now. It’s not something I speak of often, but… today just felt like the right time.’ He smiled at her. ‘You’re a good listener,’ he added.

Lucy shook her head. ‘No, I should never have pressed you. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you.’

‘We are fools to ourselves far too often,’ said Oscar. ‘I’ve carried the weight of this around with me my whole life, and it’s only now that Mary has gone that I can see I should have spoken of it before. I thought by never speaking of it that it would grow small and powerless, but instead it’s risen to become the monster that lurks under the bed, the stuff of nightmares. I should be thanking you for giving me the space to share it.’

Lucy shook her head again, blinking rapidly. ‘No, I’ve made it worse. I can see it on your face.’

To her amazement, Oscar grinned at her. ‘That, my dear, is old age, and try as I might these saggy old features will not rearrange themselves any other way.’

‘Now you’re just trying to make me feel better,’ she retorted.

‘As are you,’ he replied.

The air around them settled as they smiled at one another. Lucy didn’t think she had ever met anyone quite like Oscar before.

‘I met my Mary when we were both just sixteen years old, did I tell you? She carried a vanilla cupcake across the village hall to give to me and I thought I’d never seen anyone so beautiful – like a blue-eyed angel, she was.’ Oscar smiled at the memory. ‘She always laughed afterwards that it was simply because it was Christmastime and everything looked so pretty at the dance, but it wasn’t that. My mother used to help with the refreshments at all the village hall events so I’d been dragged to enough of them to know that no-one like Mary had ever walked in there before. Sixteen I might have been, na?ve and inexperienced, but my heart knew when it was taken; my head had no say in the matter at all.’

‘So, you must have been together—’