A Gift of Three (A Shade of Vampire #42)(16)

As the words left her, she bent double, her arms wrapped around her body as she sank onto the bed. “Please believe me when I say this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I know it’s the right thing.”

I stood frozen, still not moving from my position by the door.

How can this be the right thing?

I could see her pain, and I could feel my own. If a permanent breakup was going to be this heartbreaking, then I just didn’t understand why she felt it was the right thing to do.

“I want all the things you want—children, to settle down. I just thought we were taking our time, because we had time… lots of time, to do all that we wanted to do.”

Maura shook her head.

“It doesn’t work like that,” she whispered. “When you’re with the person…the one you’re meant to be with, all the lifetimes in the world just don’t seem enough.”

We were silent for a long moment, Maura with her head in her hands, not wanting to look at me, me leaning on the doorframe, feeling completely powerless and reeling from her words.

I thought about the conversation I’d had with my mother, years ago. I remembered feeling reassured by the idea that Maura and I were just ‘slow burners’. Our love for one another would grow over time, not the arrow that pierced straight through the heart, but the potion that slowly suffused the body—gentler, but no less valid. Not a lesser love. But clearly it hadn’t been enough. That was what hurt the most. That I must have been hurting Maura all along. How long had she known that what we had wasn’t real?

“You should have said something earlier,” I managed. “I could have done something…made you feel more loved.”

She turned to me, her face tear-stained, but with a gentle smile on her face.

“It doesn’t work like that,” she replied softly. “If it did, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

I nodded, swallowing. I didn’t think I could say anymore. Her eyes reflected my own sorrow and pain, but there was also a look of resolve and determination. And perhaps more harrowing was the look of relief.

“Thank you for being honest,” I said, with difficulty. I desperately needed to get out of that room, get out of the house—perhaps out of The Shade as a whole, just for a while. We both needed space and time to grieve.

“I’ll always love you, Field,” she said, noticing my shift in energy, indicating that I was about to leave.

“I’ll always love you too,” I replied quietly.

In the next moment, I had gone.

I walked in the direction of my parents’ house, dragging in lungfuls of air. My entire body felt taut and heavy. I was hardly aware that one foot was stepping in front of the other. The last thing I felt like doing was celebrating the birth of a child at the fire star, but right now it seemed like the best option—my absence would be missed by my parents and my brothers. It would be easier to attend, and not have to explain anything. I wouldn’t even know where to start.





Vita





[Grace and Lawrence’s daughter]




When I arrived at the port, Serena and Aida were already there, looking beautiful in their gowns and chatting animatedly while they admired the splendor of the other members of GASP. I took a deep breath before I joined the crowds. Social events like this weren’t exactly comfortable for me. I always felt gauche, and was paranoid that I was boring people when I joined in with small talk. I felt a wave of gratitude for my friends—what would I do without them? When I was around Serena and Aida, I could just hide behind their exuberance. Aida might have been self-conscious in front of the opposite sex, but she was naturally outgoing and loud, and Serena constantly brimmed with confidence and, no matter what the occasion, always seemed to enjoy herself.

They caught sight of me and waved me over. I turned to my mom, giving her hand a squeeze.

“See you there?” I asked.

“Of course,” she smiled at me. “Just remember to have fun tonight… no running off to practice your fire abilities.”

I shook my head, blushing. My mom knew me too well.

“Ah,” my dad replied, raising an eyebrow in my direction, “is that why my usually reclusive daughter is so willing to join a huge social event?”

“It was,” corrected my mom. “Not anymore. I want to see you on the dance floor at least once.”

“All right,” I held up my hands in surrender. “I’ll remind you later how weird it is that you want me to party and not study…but whatever.”

My mom rolled her eyes at me. “You know we think both are important. I just don’t want you to miss out.”

I smiled at her, giving her a quick embrace. She knew I was only teasing her, but I knew how important it was to them both that I socialized more. A lot of people had been telling me the same thing lately, I thought – remembering Zerus.

“I know, mom.”

“Go, be with your friends,” she replied.

I hurried to join them, narrowly avoiding Aiden and Kailyn’s adoptive son Hunter commenting on how beautiful I looked. That was another thing—compliments just made me glow red. I smiled and waved at the werewolf as I rushed past, so as to not cause offense.

“Sorry I’m late,” I huffed, plonking my bag down next to theirs.