Two Boys Kissing(19)

Max is a marvel to us. He will never have to come out because he will have never been kept in. Even though he has a mom and a dad, they made sure from the beginning to tell him that it didn’t have to be a mom and a dad. It could be a mom and a mom, a dad and a dad, just a mom, or just a dad. When Max’s early affections became clear, he didn’t think twice about them. He doesn’t see it as defining him. It is just a part of his definition.

What does Max see when he looks at Harry and Craig? He sees two boys kissing. But it’s not the two boys part that gives him pause. It’s the kissing. He can’t imagine ever wanting to kiss anyone for that long.

Just wait, we want to tell him. Just you wait.



After pancakes, Neil and Peter convince Peter’s mom to drive them to the Clinton Bookshop. There are closer bookstores, but they’re in the mood for a drive. Along the way, they don’t say much, but their relationship has reached that stage where silence is comfortable, not threatening. Silence only harms when there are things that aren’t being said, or when there’s the fear that the well is empty and there’s nothing left to say. Neither is the case here. They still have plenty to say to each other, just not anything right now.

At the bookstore, Neil looks for a doorstop biography to give his father for his birthday while Peter peruses the Young Adult section. It is there that Peter’s phone buzzes, and he finds a message from his debate friend Simon. There’s a link attached.

Peter takes a look, then tracks down Neil. “Want to see something awesome?” he asks, showing Neil the message, then clicking the link. “It’s two boys in Millburn. They’re trying to break the world record for kissing.”

Neil looks at the grainy feed on the phone. “Do we know either of them?”

“I don’t think so. But isn’t that cool?”

Neil thinks it’s cool. But his mind is stuck on something he doesn’t think is cool at all.

“ ‘Hey, beautiful’?” he asks.

Peter doesn’t get it. “What?”

“That’s how Simon started his text to you. ‘Hey, beautiful.’ ”

“That’s just the way Simon talks.”

“I’m just making an observation.”

“Riiiiiiiight.”

“Don’t dismiss me like that.”

“Do we really have to have this conversation again?”

“Why don’t you tell me, beautiful?”

“He’s just a flirty friend. We both have flirty friends.”

“Yeah, but mine are female.”

“Clark? Clark is female?”

“Clark isn’t flirty. He’s too scientific to be flirty.”

“He thinks lab partners should have full marriage rights.”

“The only thing Clark has ever called beautiful in his life is an algebraic equation.”

“Oh, but he’d love to see how his x corresponds to your y.”

“Wait—how is this about Clark? I seem to recall it’s about Simon.”

“Simon is harmless.”

“Simon is calling you beautiful and sending you a link to two guys kissing.”

“Really? Of all the places to go, you’re going to go there?”

They are a bit too loud. They don’t notice the bookseller behind the counter, smiling. He knows firsthand that every relationship falls into this groove at some point.

Neil doesn’t really think Peter is cheating on him. He doesn’t think Peter would ever cheat on him. That’s not what this is about. It’s about Neil’s fear that Peter will want to cheat on him, that he will someday realize there’s someone better out there.

Peter is young enough to not really understand this. He thinks Neil is being foolish, slightly paranoid. He has done nothing wrong, and resents being attacked, anyway.

“Look,” he says, “I think we need to step away for a sec. I’m going to go down the street and get coffee. Do you want anything?”

Neil shakes his head.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Which is hopefully the amount of time it will take for you to realize that even if a million other guys say ‘Hey, beautiful’ to me, it doesn’t change what we are, not one little bit.”

“A million? Who said anything about a million?”

“There happen to be a lot of people who use ‘Hey, beautiful’ as a greeting when I am involved.”

“Well, you are beautiful. I grant you that. It must be the hey I object to. It’s so common. For horses, really. And you are so uncommonly, unhorsily beautiful.”

Peter realizes this last twist in the conversation means things with Neil are curving back into being better, but now that he’s mentioned coffee, he wants it. So he heads out, gets an iced latte, drinks it in a few gulps (too many damn ice cubes), then heads back to the bookstore. He finds Neil still in the YA section, his arms full of books.

“Wow,” Peter says. “Are they putting you on bed rest or something?”

Neil puts the books on a table and shushes Peter with a finger to his lips.

Then he picks up the first book and holds it so Peter can read the title.

I Hadn’t Meant to Tell You This





Peter quiets. Watches as Neil holds up the books one by one.