The Lobotomist's Wife(10)

“He came back from France a year later, broken. We didn’t realize it at first. He was good at hiding it. He resumed normal life, even reenrolled at Harvard, claiming he wanted to get all the education he could before he took his place in Father’s world.”

She brazenly refilled her own glass and gulped down the champagne before continuing.

“The first time he tried to take his own life, Mother and Father attributed it to school. They encouraged him to spend a few weeks at Magnolia Bluff, our cottage, but he refused. He said he had had a bad few days, too many exams, and he was fine. I knew it was something more. We were less than two years apart in age, but I always felt we were more like twins. Not that we were similar—on the contrary—he was charming, social, and easy, where I was shy and awkward. He was an inch shorter than me too.” She laughed. “Very handsome, but not so tall. Anyway, we understood one another in a way that was unspoken. He could sense when I needed him to save me from Mother’s attentions or Father’s . . . inattention.” She was being too bold, and she pushed her coupe away. “But I knew the moment I saw him step off that ship in New York Harbor that something inside of him was lost. I just didn’t realize that it would never again be found.”

“So many men were irreparably damaged. I worked at a veterans’ hospital and I saw that look in those poor soldiers’ eyes. I don’t think any of us can truly understand what war can do to a man. I hope you don’t blame yourself.”

Ruth smiled softly. “Of course, I know what you are saying is true. But Harry seemed like he was getting better. Like he could be saved. As soon as my parents accepted that he was suffering from shell shock, they sent him to Payne Whitney, which, as you know, is lauded as one of the best facilities in the country. His doctors claimed he was improving. But in one of the many moments when they weren’t paying attention, he managed to end his life. And that was it.” She paused thoughtfully. “I had already devoted my life to caring for Harry. With him gone, helping others like him was just the logical next step. Father channeled his despair into creating a better facility. But he had no interest in, or time for, day-to-day operations. I did. I was determined to change things. And when I really want something I, too, can be relentless. So, I suppose, here we are.” Ruth felt more exposed than she had ever been in her lifetime. She looked hard at her plate, terrified to gaze at Robert and risk humiliation. But she couldn’t avoid him for long.

Robert slid his chair next to hers and gently lifted her chin so she had no choice but to look directly into his kind chestnut eyes. “Is it really possible that you have no idea how incredible you are? You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, yet you wear your appearance like an afterthought. You are so smart, frighteningly smart, yet you seem to feel the need to apologize for your role and dismiss your brilliance. I watch you daily with awe and wonder, so capable, so caring. If my grandfather were alive to meet you, he would tell me to grab tight to you and never let go. How is it possible that no one has taken you as their own?”

Ruth blushed, turning away from Robert’s glance to break the tension. “I have, generally, not been available to be taken.”

“Of course. You need a partner in life, not a master.”

“Why, yes.” Ruth was taken aback. Could it be that Robert not only understood her, he appreciated her for who she was, as she was? “Well, yes and no. I am really fine on my own.”

“Of course you are. Just look at you and all you have accomplished.” Robert slid back to his plate, picked up his knife and fork, and stabbed at his iceberg wedge nervously. Ruth was shocked to see the always perfectly collected Dr. Apter so exposed. His vulnerability surprised her, but also endeared him to her all the more. She had not misjudged this man or this moment. She had shared her most personal secrets, and he still sat here with her. Smiling at her. Robert leaned in and asked her quietly, “Ruth, I was wondering, well, hoping really, would you be open to the idea of sharing just a little sliver of your life with someone else? Someone like me, perhaps?”

Ruth’s whole body suddenly felt as warm as the rhythm of the band; the high-pitched horns and low rattle of the drums matched the beating of her heart. “Yes, Robert, I think I would.”

He smiled wider, raised his glass to hers, and looked her in the eye. “Ruth Emeraldine, I think this might be the beginning of a great adventure.”

Even then, she believed him completely.





Chapter Three


Ruth awoke with a start and angled the clock on her marble-topped nightstand to catch the streetlight. Rubbing her eyes, still blurry from sleep, she switched on the lamp so she could get a better look at the man who had, in a matter of months, become inextricably interwoven into every corner of her being. “Robert, it’s two o’clock in the morning. Are you just getting home?”

“Sorry to wake you, my love. I was deep into the cranium of a violent psychotic and thought I might be observing a meaningful idiosyncrasy in the thalamus. I couldn’t leave the hospital until I compared it to my photos of several other specimens.”

“And?” Ruth suddenly felt quite awake and leaned toward Robert enthusiastically, ever hopeful that his research would yield something miraculous.

“Unfortunately, it wasn’t what I was looking for.” He sat on the wingback in the corner opposite the bed and unlaced his shoes as he sighed. “But it has given me some new ideas for investigation.” He stood up again and unbuttoned his shirtsleeves, then removed his trousers and replaced them with a nightshirt. After he climbed onto the bed, he stroked Ruth’s hand, drew it to his mouth, and ever so delicately kissed it. “Don’t worry, my darling, I will figure this out.” He pulled Ruth toward him and began kissing her gently, first on the lips and then slowly, carefully down her neck and toward the space between her small breasts. “I have never been more determined, more inspired, or more certain of anything in my life.”