Pulse (Collide, #2)(19)
“How do I know you’re not going to go back to him?” Gavin’s soft, broken voice cut through the silence. “And what makes you think I can trust you won’t?”
Emily snapped her head in his direction, her lips parted as she gazed into his eyes. They held so much pain, and it was then she realized how badly she’d hurt him. She took a calculated risk and reached over, brushing her fingertips along the dark stubble on his jaw. She felt him tense, and it stung her heart. She dropped her hand into her lap and looked down. “I’m not taking him back, Gavin. I love you,” she whispered, swiping away a tear that’d trickled down her face.
“You say that now.” He dragged his attention from her and brought it back to the road. “You love me while you’re here, Emily. What about when we get back to New York? What happens when you see him again?”
She cupped her hand over her mouth, and a sob crawled up her throat as she stared at him. “I don’t know how to get you to trust me other than giving me the chance to prove it to you, Gavin. I don’t.”
Exhaling, Gavin gripped the steering wheel and didn’t say another word for the remainder of the ride.
By the time they pulled up in front of the hotel, Emily wasn’t sure if her heart was still beating. She wasn’t sure if she could move… could breathe. However, she was sure her soul had shattered into a million tiny pieces, scattered somewhere along a highway in Mexico. With hues of pinks, purples, and orange replacing the lazy sun disappearing from the sky, Gavin slipped from the car and retrieved Emily’s luggage. Handing it to the bellboy, Gavin reached in his wallet for a tip and spoke something in Spanish.
Emily climbed from the car and walked over to Gavin. Staring up into his eyes, her words softly fell from her mouth. “Do you know how scary it is to want something so bad you’re willing to change your whole life for it?”
Gavin searched her face. “You mean the way I was willing to change mine for you?”
“Yeah. I guess we were both willing to do that, Gavin. I was ready to take that plunge and never look back. Never. I was ready to risk everything for you, to push away the overwhelming fear I had because I knew you and I are worth it. We fell in love in a second. I was barely able to blink, and you had my entire world upside-down. I was scared you weren’t… real. I was scared no one could be as magnetic as you are to me. It still scares me. You still scare me.” Pausing, Emily shook her head. “Then I saw Gina, and all my fears came back. My heart wanted to believe you, but my head wouldn’t allow it after I’d already taken that risk on us. I’m so sorry, Gavin. I don’t know what else to say other than I love you and need you with everything inside me.”
Gavin cleared his throat but didn’t say a word.
Once again unable to resist her want, her need, Emily moved closer, pushed up on her tiptoes, and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Gavin’s cheek. She closed her eyes as his heat radiated over her body.
Gavin lifted his hands, burrowing his fingers tight around Emily’s waist. Emily felt his lips brush against the crown of her head and heard him suck in a steeling breath, but before she could open her eyes, he let go. With her heart pounding, she watched him duck back into his car, his tires screeching as he veered out of the parking lot.
Feeling as though Gavin couldn’t get away from her quick enough, Emily hugged her stomach, sickened by what she’d done to them. All hope gone and head in a daze, she looked at the bellboy who’d been waiting with her luggage. Sporting a warm smile, he nodded and led her into the hotel lobby. She followed, her breathing shallow as she tried to unscatter her thoughts long enough to show the proper ID to the woman seated behind the front desk.
After handing Emily’s passport back to her, the young, dark-haired woman smiled. “Thank you for choosing the Royal Playa del Carmen, Se?orita Cooper. Rafael will show you to your room. The presidential suites are located in a separate building, but they’re within walking distance.” She slid a pamphlet and room card across the clay-colored marble counter. “Any information about your suite and the amenities the resort offers can be found here, or you can call the concierge desk at any time. I hope you enjoy your stay.”
“Thank you.” Emily turned to Rafael and shook her head. “I don’t need any help with my bag, but thank you.”
“Are you sure, se?orita? I’m more than happy.”
“I’m sure.”
He nodded, and Emily made her way out of the pristine lobby and into the humid night air. Glancing at the pamphlet with her room number on it, Emily rounded the corner and followed a cobblestone path to the back of the resort. A mariachi band in the distance and laughter from vacationers hummed through her ears. She pulled her luggage and tried to drag her attention from several happy couples dancing under the woven diamond of stars above. Envy pierced Emily. That should’ve been her, and she’d ruined any chance at having that. At her building, she slid the room key into the glass door, shuffled into the small lobby area, and slipped into the elevator. With her heart aching for Gavin, she wondered why she was even staying the night. She didn’t belong there, and she knew it. Her reason for being there was gone, lost from her life forever, and there was nothing she could do to change his mind.
When the elevator doors slid open, she stepped into a hallway housing six suites. Scanning the numbers on each, she eventually found hers and swiped her card through the entryway scanner. Emily pushed open the door and flipped on the lights. Pain continued to crush in around her as she made her way through the expansive suite. Exhausted and mentally spent, she curled her hand around the sleek bamboo of one of the four posters of a king-sized bed. She slid off her heels and dropped them onto the cold marble floor. Feeling depleted—mind, body, and soul—she sank onto the bed and pressed her face into the pillow, a rush of tears falling from her eyes. He was gone. Her Yankees-loving, bottle cap-giving, dimpled smile other half was gone, and there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do to turn back time.