Invisible(6)
The baby nurse they’d hired was waiting for them at home, and took over immediately. They had turned their guest room into a nursery, with a single bed in it, and the nurse would sleep there for the next month, at the other end of the apartment from Fabienne and Brandon’s room, so they didn’t have to hear her when the baby woke in the night to be fed.
The morning they came home, Fabienne lay down on their bed and smiled at her husband, grateful that the horror of the delivery was behind her and she didn’t have to care for the baby. She couldn’t wait to go out with Brandon, she was free again. He stopped in to see the baby in the nursery, and Fabienne never did.
By the time the baby nurse left, Fabienne was exercising every day, and back at her acting lessons. The small amount of weight she had gained fell away easily. She had been too sick to eat much for nine months, and had gained a minimal amount of weight. She lined up a series of babysitters so she would be free every day, and Brandon could see that her maternal instincts had not kicked in yet, but he was still sure they would.
“You should take a day off to go to the park with Antonia,” he suggested. It was September by then, the weather was beautiful. He thought it might help Fabienne bond with her daughter. She never gave the baby her bottle and let the babysitters do it during the day. And Brandon got up faster at night than she did for the night feed, so she let him do it, and he enjoyed the late-night moments with his daughter. She seemed like a remarkably easy baby, compared to stories he’d heard, and it was the only time he had to spend with her. He was coming home from the office late, and he was closing the deal in Chicago to add another company to his growing empire. He had a family to provide for now. He loved the idea that he was building something solid for Fabienne and their daughter.
Fabienne objected when he wanted to stop in the nursery to see Antonia when he got home, and complained that she had been alone all day. She kept the sitters as late as they would stay. She was no different than she had been before the baby was born, but it shocked him now. She was all woman, with no apparent maternal instincts. She made it clear that the joys of motherhood held no appeal for her. She had never pretended that they would. He had a wife, but Antonia didn’t have a mother, not one who wanted to spend time with her anyway.
As she had said she would, when she got her figure back, Fabienne contacted her agent, and he sent her out on a few auditions. Her accent was still strong, which limited her, but her looks were undeniable. If anything, she was more beautiful after the baby than before. She looked more womanly to Brandon, and sexier than ever, although she was less interested in sex now than before. She didn’t want to get pregnant again.
She got a part in a cigarette commercial, and Brandon was proud of her. Her agent hooked her up with a new modeling agency, and she got a lingerie ad. Her breasts were too big to pose for fashion editorials like those in Vogue. But she got enough work to keep her happy for a while, and she paid for the babysitters with what she earned. All the while, Brandon’s business was growing, he traveled more and spent less and less time at home. It gave Fabienne more time to go to auditions and go-sees, but she complained when he was on the road too often and she had to take care of the baby herself at night. He was tired now when he got home, needed to sleep and couldn’t do the night feedings, since he got up early to go to Pittsburgh, New Jersey, or fly to Chicago, or meetings elsewhere.
“That’s supposed to be your job,” he snapped at her one night when she woke him up to feed the baby, and she turned to him in a fury.
“I never told you I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to have an abortion and you wouldn’t let me, even though it’s legal here.” It was like a slap across his face, and he left the room to give Antonia her bottle. He had never realized that Fabienne had no intention of becoming a mother, and still felt that it had been forced on her, even now that she had seen her baby. She hadn’t fallen in love with her child, as he had hoped she would.
Fabienne continued to get small acting jobs that didn’t require her to speak, bit parts and walk-ons mostly, some modeling jobs at trade shows, but her acting career still hadn’t taken off a year after Antonia was born. Fabienne was just as disconnected from her, and had hired a young girl to take care of her full-time. Antonia was walking by then, and Brandon was slowly becoming aware that the child was a wedge between them. Fabienne blamed him for forcing the child on her. Nothing about the experience had moved her, and she had no interest in Antonia at all.
The fights began in earnest when Antonia was two. The companies Brandon had invested in were growing, and he spent less and less time at home. Antonia was an enchanting child, but Fabienne got angry every time he looked at her. She seemed to view her as competition for his affection, and accused him of loving their daughter more than he loved her. It was hard for him to believe that she was jealous of her own little girl, and it annoyed her when people stopped them on the street to say how beautiful Antonia was. Fabienne had no maternal pride. He had never understood before how fiercely narcissistic she was. And her career not taking off was a constant source of anger, frustration, and disappointment for her. She wanted to be discovered, like some of the major movie stars, and sent to Hollywood to make a movie. But she was just another pretty woman who wanted an acting career and had gotten nothing more than bit parts and minor modeling jobs. It was becoming clear to Brandon that it wasn’t going to happen for her, although he never said it to her in so many words. He paid as little attention to Antonia as possible, trying not to infuriate Fabienne and cause a jealous scene. He had to harden himself to how endearing she was, and he spent as little time at home as possible, to avoid the inevitable battles with Fabienne. She blamed him for not doing more to help her acting career, but he had no useful connections, and thought she should stay home with their daughter by now, and accept her role as mother and wife.