Playing with Fire: A Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count)(16)

I squinted at Perky. “You’re really a doctor? I thought you were some kind of awesome super geek who just happened to know a lot about forensics stuff.”

“I can’t tell if you hate me or like me, Gardener, and that’s really screwing with my perception of reality.”

“You don’t have a perception of reality. You’re a figment of my overactive and drugged imagination.”

Dr. Valleychime tapped on the monitor near my bed, probably to adjust my medications. “They’re both quite real. Now, granted, you’ve had several legitimate episodes involving hallucinations, but this is quite real. Unfortunately, so is that jersey.”

My doctor wasn’t supposed to try to trick me into believing my hallucinations were real. “I would like to dispute your claim.”

“Any disputes you might make won’t change reality.”

Scowling, I shook my head. “There is zero reason for either one of them to be here. I’m an insufferable bitch, Dr. Valleychime. I have no friends, and there’s a very good reason for that. Chief Quinn has at least a hundred good reasons to hate me, and don’t get me started on Perky. If murder were legal, I’m sure they would’ve gotten rid of me by now. They’d do whatever it is manly cops do to call dibs for the right to off me.”

“Yet you want Chief Quinn to take his shirt off.”

“Hell yeah. Are you blind? Take a good look at him. He’s proof God exists and wants to make women happy.”

My doctor coughed. “That was incredibly sexist. I’m genuinely astonished.”

“Hey, men might appreciate a chance to have him, too,” Perky added.

Chief Quinn sighed and covered his face with his hands before running his fingers through his hair, making it stand up every which way. “Can we not discuss this?”

“Why shouldn’t men be able to enjoy your masculine beauty, sir?”

“Perkins.”

Oh, nice. Chief Quinn could growl, and he sounded amazing when he did it. “If you take your shirt off, we can discuss your virtues and come to an educated decision. It’s an important matter we’re talking about here.”

“Gardener.”

The way he growled my name was so much better than the way he growled Perky’s.

I wanted to hear him do it again, so I said, “How can we properly discuss your sexiness if you’re hiding it behind that jersey?”

“She has a point, sir. We can’t properly objectify you if you’re still wearing your shirt.”

“Perkins!”

“As her doctor, I would like to point out that it’s my duty to ensure my patient’s emotional health and general well-being. Hospital stays of any significant duration can cause psychological strain, and as Miss Gardener doesn’t respond to traditional measures, this might be an acceptable alternative.”

I beamed at Dr. Valleychime. “I have finally met someone who likes me. It’s a miracle.”

“Emotional well-being does play a major role in recovery, and Miss Gardener has been a very sick young woman, Chief Quinn. You’d be helping to facilitate a good healing environment for her.”

Perky made a sound suspiciously like a giggle. “You heard him, sir. You’d be facilitating her healing.”

“This isn’t funny, Perkins.”

Damn, that growl sure was nice. “Make him do that some more, Perky. That’s great.”

“She’s really into you, sir. I never would have guessed.”

“Damn it, Perkins!”

“Come on, sir. It’s for her emotional well-being. Just take the jersey off already. It won’t kill you.”

“Fine. Just shut up.” Chief Quinn stood and pulled his jersey over his head, revealing a white t-shirt.

I clapped my hands. “Take it off, take it all off!”

The glare Chief Quinn leveled at me should have burnt me to a crisp, but I somehow managed to survive. “I’m only doing this because it’s my fault you’re so damned sick.”

Wait. Being sick entitled me to a free showing of a half-naked Samuel Quinn? “Thank you, God. You’re still wearing your clothes, Quinn. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this.”

Heaving a sigh, the kind I reserved for when someone tested my patience to the absolute limit, Chief Quinn yanked his shirt over his head. It even ripped a little, and it was the sexiest sound I’d ever heard.

Never again would I be able to think of cops as pudgy-bellied, donut-eating coffee guzzlers. The man must have waged some epic war against fat, because I couldn’t spot anything other than lean muscle and the chiseled lines of someone who spent a great deal of time working out and eating healthy.

I was thin, but only because I couldn’t afford to eat too much. If he wanted, I bet he could break me in half with his hands and look good doing it.

I would never understand how anyone could even dream of giving him up. He was so, so out of my league it hurt. It took every scrap of my willpower to turn my stare to Perky. “I’d like to report a crime, Officer Perkins.”

“I’m amazed. You actually know my real name. Go ahead, Gardener. I’m listening.”

“Anyone who looks that good should be a model. An underwear model. In underwear, all the time. You’re right. Everyone should get a chance to admire his beauty.”