The Awakening of Sunshine Girl (The Haunting of Sunshine Girl, #2)(11)

But . . . I only know that because Nolan helped me figure it out. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that, whatever I was agreeing to when I said I’d start working with Aidan, Nolan wasn’t going to be a part of it.

“Where am I going to get the information I need if Nolan isn’t there to help me?”

Aidan looks surprised by my question. “From me, of course,” he replies simply.

On the other end of the phone I hear Nolan hanging up. I don’t have to call back and ask him what he’s doing. I already know.

He’s on his way here.


Later, after Mom has served Aidan tea at our kitchen table and he’s more or less convinced Mom that I should go with him, and after I’ve packed my clothes into an enormous duffle bag and stuff my backpack with every Jane Austen book I own (all six of them, obviously), Nolan is waiting for me on our front steps. He’s still wearing that silly hat, so I playfully pull it off his head and hand it to him.

“I can’t take you seriously when you’re wearing that hat,” I joke. Nolan doesn’t even crack a smile.

“This is ridiculous,” he says.

“I know. It’s an awful color combination.” I hold up the hat. Nolan remains stone-faced. Okay, Sunshine, stop trying to make the hat joke work.

“No. This is ridiculous.” He waves his hands as if he’s trying to encompass our whole lives. “How am I supposed to protect you if I’m not with you?”

“Aidan said I don’t need you.” I bite my lip. I didn’t mean to say it quite like that. I mean, that is what Aidan said, but I didn’t mean to make it sound like I agreed.

“Here.” I hold out his grandfather’s butter-soft brown leather jacket between us. This jacket was the first thing I ever noticed about Nolan. When he gave it to me for good luck, I thought I’d never want to take it off. “Aidan says it’s warmer where we’re going. I won’t . . .” I bite my lip again, stopping myself before I can say I won’t need the jacket. Bad enough I already said I wouldn’t need him.

Nolan shakes his head. “I want you to have it.”

I hug the jacket to my chest and breathe it in. Just the scent of it brings me back to when Nolan and I first met. He didn’t seem bothered by my embarrassing klutziness. He didn’t think I was weird because I carried an old-fashioned camera around wherever I went and preferred vintage clothes to the brand-new ones most of the girls at Ridgemont High wear. Finally I say, “I want me to have it too. But can you . . . can you take care of it for me while I’m gone?”

Nolan nods, but he doesn’t reach out to take the jacket, so I place it carefully on the steps beside him.

“And this,” I add, taking my beloved Nikon F5 from around my neck. “Can you hang on to this for me?”

“Don’t you want to take it with you?”

“I thought I did, but . . .” I trail off. Nolan gave me his jacket when I needed it. Now I want to give him something that’s important to me too. I hold the camera out in front of me, and Nolan finally takes it, lifting the thick strap around his own neck.

“I’ve read Victoria’s letter over and over.” His voice is heavy with frustration. “I still don’t understand what my role is in all of this.” Nolan is amazing at research, the kind of person who’s used to getting answers from books, articles, letters. I’m pretty sure this is the first time the written word has ever let him down.

I sit down beside him. “I’ll make sure Aidan explains it to me. I’ll ask him over and over and over again, and I won’t stop until it’s absolutely crystal clear. I’ll be the most annoying mentee he’s ever had.”

Nolan looks up at me and smiles, though he looks tired. I don’t think he slept much last night. Around dinnertime he called to find out how my drive to and from the hospital went, and I had to tell him what happened in the parking lot, how Aidan showed up, how we told Kat everything. I think he felt guilty he wasn’t there every step of the way.

And now he’s not going to be there for whatever my next steps will be either.

The front door opens behind us. Mom steps out onto the porch to let our little white dog, Oscar, out. Aidan is still waiting inside.

“I think it’s time, Sunshine.” Mom says.

“Okay. Just a sec,” I answer, and she turns to go back inside.

Nolan waits for Mom to close the door. “Come here,” he says softly, walking toward the side of the house.

Slowly I follow him. I start to ask why we’re walking away—what does he want to do or say that he can’t do or say in front of my mother?—but then I realize. I don’t know how I know—it’s not like this has ever happened to me before—but I just know. He wants to kiss me good-bye. Just like those couples I was so jealous of in the school parking lot yesterday. Just like the characters in my favorite Jane Austen books. (Okay, I know there’s not much actual kissing in Jane Austen novels, but sometimes my imagination takes liberties.)

The twelve steps it takes to get around to the side of the house feel like twelve hundred. My heart is pounding—not a million beats a minute like it did last night, but just really hard, like I can actually feel the blood pumping through my veins one beat at a time.





CHAPTER SIX